Beliefs Are Your Guide..

 

We all have our own beliefs which guide in many aspects of life to take a certain course.
Our beliefs also influence our thoughts and feelings towards others, be it family, friends or work colleagues. Whether what we believe is a fact is another debatable topic. But because we have beliefs, we choose certain behaviours and respond in peculiar ways. How are these beliefs formed and why do we live with them or rather do they stay with us throughout life? Can we change these beliefs? Should we?

The answer to belief formation isn't simple. It is a process which is a part of personality development. It is formed as a part of experience as we interact with others. But beliefs make us categorise people as good or bad; once we feel that a person is good or bad, we take a firm stand in our minds and it tends to reduce our flexibility towards life.
Let me get more specific here. Every behaviour elicits a reaction and that reaction usually is a definate or confirmed response which we give depending on the biases which we hold, for the beliefs which we hold about the other person. Beliefs, in our minds, operate by cherry picking those instances and behaviours of the other person which further confirm our beliefs about them.
This is also known as confirmation bias. While many of us lead our life with this bias and feel no need to change our beliefs about people. It is necessary that we relook; as some of the beliefs which may be influencing us are affecting us negatively. Like if I believe that one or few of our friends are ignoring me, then I will keep reinforcing it by searching all possible related experiences. This will affect my life and bring negative thoughts.

Many television or film characters also tend to display confirmation bias, and we learn from their thought process too.

Here is what can help us get out of this vicious cycle of negative belief, leading to negative thoughts, to negative feelings, to negative behaviour, to looking for more evidence to confirm the negative belief.
It helps if I look at it in a neutral way and objectively. One way we can do that, is discuss openly with a third party about our feeling. A coach or mentor can be the best guide for showing the mirror.