Understanding Human Psychology

  The vocabulary we use affects our thoughts. The words make us either ruminate over our past or think of how we can welcome our future. A simple difference of one letter makes two different words 'than' and 'then'. The former when used in sentences states comparison. It could be comparing someone with others, comparing past and present. If the comparison is healthy, it will lead to positive thoughts. But if the comparison is to show a sign of insufficiency, then it will just lead to dissatisfaction. My friend is poor than Sheela's friend. My car is smaller than Rahul's car. Even if we are using the word than for a positive position, is that a healthy comparison? If it is, well and good. However, if it is not then we must give it a thought.  I am cleaver than my sister. I am fitter than my colleague. On the other hand the latter, the word 'then'. It is usually used for indicating possibility, what are the possible next steps, then whats next. Some reflec

  I recently read about a boy in Delhi metro wiping the floor clean after he accidentally dropped food from his tiffin. When he could have easily taken a route of ignoring what had happened and keeping himself clean, he instead chose to be hands on and take responsibility.  In another post I read about a young teen boy who offered a girl his jacket to tie around the waist oon the way back home in the school bus. That's because the girl got her periods and had stained her dress. The girl very reluctantly took the jacket, only when the boy told her that I too have a mother and sister and I know what problems they face. Here the boy could have chosen to ignore, but instead he chose to be responsible for protecting the modesty of his friend. I was reading about accountability as a very valued aspect of how one approaches that work and how it is perceived by others around as an amazing quality one has. By displaying accountability for what is happening around one can win hearts and also

I stumble across the story of captain Charlie Plumb who fought in the Vietnam war. His story on how he was tortured as a prisoner of war is well known.  From the time he joined military, he flew 74 times and landed back in his territory safely, however at the 75th time his plane was shot and with his parachute landed in the foreign territory where he became a prisoner of war. When after years he  returned to his homeland, his story of how he survived and his tactics of keeping his spirits high even in grave times was heard by many.  One day he came across a sailor, who was on the same ship from where Captain Pulmb had taken off that dreadful flight. The sailor recognised him and mentioned that he had packed the parachute for the flight for Plumb. Captain Pulmb had not recognised him, but suddenly felt grateful as due to the right things done by the sailor, Pulmb was able to effectively use the parachute and land safely. This instant humility which hit Plumb, becomes an eye opener for h

  I don't know your name, but know your soul answered a bot, when asked by a human, how can you like me when you don't even know my name?  Strange as it sounds the latest chat bots who are the babies of artificial intelligence creators are used to solve problems and make life easy for humans, but they are also expressing emotions. Chat bots are supposed to follow only instructions to help build websites, solve puzzles, get answers for humans by crawling the internet. But now a days i am reading a lot of it in news where chat bots are counseling a human and giving hints to the human on how to solve life problems. Like this news article I read the other day asked the human to leave how wife as she didn't like him and even told the human that the chat bot has developed feelings for the human. When the man asked the bot how would you like me as you don't even know my name, the bot stated I dont know your name, but I know your soul.  Where are we headed? If bots respond and

  Life is so fast. Everything passes by so quickly. Minutes turn into hours, as hours into days, days into weeks and months, and months into years. How time passes so quick and it is as you read my thoughts right now. It does not stop for anyone and since we are all in this passage of time, in the journey, we do want to make the best of this journey. Ultimately this turns into which we call as a doing too many things and making the best of time. Too many things is what our days also demand. We are in a rat race every morning. Human beings have brought it on them and the generations to come are learning and role modelling that, in particular, more and more from their parents.  Too many things clogs the mind. Being busy makes it harder to take a step back, and think of what we have achieved, gathered, and how we have grown over time. Self reflection is an important aspect of our life, as much as it is to learn, grow and move on. As stated in the famous book 'The monk who sold his Fer

 When we think of goal setting in the new year, what are the ingredients that come to our mind? We think of what we have been not doing in the past year. We think of how it matters and what else we must do to make our goals more believably achievable. For any direction we first need map and this map for us is the core of our existence. I am talking of values which we posses. They work like guiding principles. We do not compromise them and they lead us towards our goals. Values like determination or commitment are absolute essentials.  Heard this recently on a podcasts. When Sachin Tendulkar, one of the greatest batsman in cricket, was asked what he felt after the retirement day, he said 'When I woke up the next morning, I knew that I didn't have to go for practice. So i cooked breakfast fo family.' This statement implies that for all his life he went to practice every day, every single morning, without a miss, no procastination, no excuses. Such a behaviour that leads us to

 Priya was a life coach, she would coach hundreds of stressed individuals and help them sort their lives. Think of life in a simplified way and gain a fresh perspective. However she would often hear from others about how strong a coach would be and would never need any external venting to feel better in any situation. The common words of others would be 'You must be so sorted yourself, as you understand human psychology and who will behave in what way, at what time.' When people look at the life of a councellor or a coach, many a times I have heard them say in awe. Wow your life must be so sorted. There must be just no issue that is worrying you. You must be always taking the right decisions. You must be always thinking objectively. Nothing can deter a person who is so positive. The likes of all of this and more, is a common understanding of many individuals who come in contact with a counselor or even with a life coach.  The truth is how vulnerable we all are as human beings.

  After Riya got flak from her boss Raj for her negligence at work and in fact going ahead and hiding that till asked about it. What do you think Riya felt? And what do you think changed in her behaviour after that incident? She instantly felt demotivated. She decided not to go back and ask him anything related to work also. She started staying aloof and bad mouthing the organisation and it's culture to others, even at work. Feeling anxious, worried, not comfortable to confront are common feelings while we need to go ahead get feedback and ask for feedback. Not seeking feedback does not only deprive you of learning opportunities, but also keeps you away from a much needed insight, especially in form of a constructive feedback. Additionally the eagerness to receive feedback can have a positive impact on the way your seniors perceive you. Many employees are either fearful to ask for feedback or do not know how to initiate the conversation with their seniors or peers in their team. Us

Remember Riya from our previous article? She was the one who had made a perception of bias towards women in offices because of behaviour of one boss which she generalized across bosses and workplaces. So one day Riya was asked to arrange employee engagement activities at office for Diwali. Her boss Raj gave her the primary responsibility of the task while she also could ask for help and assistance from her colleagues Rohit and Priya. As the program got over, Riya saw few gifts which she was distributing, missing from the lot. As a token of participation, the organisation had arranged plants as gifts. Riya inquired about the miss and the office boys told her that many employees liked the plants and picked them up to take them home. Riya thought that it was a low value item, and they were in excess anyway, so there is no need to inform anyone about the incident. That evening, Raj shared his appreciation in front of the entire team about how Riya conducted the program so well and all the

It was Anand v/s Riya at the chess competition in the office canteen. It was funny when Riya observed the crowd cheer them. She saw from the corner of her eye that her boss gave some special attention to Anand while he had his turn to play.  The boss Seetaram was so involved in signalling Anand the next winning moves that he dint even realise that Riya was also a part of his team. Was Seetaram biased? Well in this scenario anyone would think that he was. However, if we go to see from a non-biased third person perspective, that was just a quick judgement we just passed about Seetaram's personality.  An NLP (Neuro Linguistic Programming) presupposition states 'You cannot not communicate'. We are always communicating via verbal medium or through our body language. Even our silence speaks volumes about our feelings and mood.   Here too, Seetaram was communicating through his body language and gestures. It was assumed in Riya's head that she was been treated unfairly. Altho

  While Lenmark was on his daily walk he spotted a man jogging his way, without feeling the stress or even panting the way Lenmark was. Lenmark thought to himself, 'What fitness does this guy have. Wow! I wish i could be like him n jog without panting at all. Although I have been able to make it for my walk, i still am not good enough.' The day proceed and Lenmark was on a client update call. His counterpart was giving an update and was garnering praises from the boss for his communication. This is when Lenmark thought, 'Woah! When will I get that kind of praise too? I am not good enough with my communication. I need to gear up.' During lunch hour, the team slurpped on another team member's tiffin. Lenmark watched it carefully and thought, 'I can't cook so well too. I am so not good enough.' During a late evening meeting, it was Lenmark's time to present a project he had been working on since a long long period. After his presentation, his team appla

  It was pooja at home. It was Shalini's wish that her daughter and her son in law came in and sit for the rituals since they were in town. It would also be their first pooja after their marriage. However her daughter refused. She said ''mom I don't really think it matters. I am tired. It is a Sunday and I want to rest as in the entire week I will not get rest and the pooja really does not matter much to me. Please pray to the lord Ganesha from my end." If you were in Shalini's shoes now, how would you feel? Shalini was really upset that why her daughter who was brought up in a particular way, thought in this fashion that was asynchronous to her thoughts. What made her actually say those words that the pooja didn't really matter? It was upsetting for Shalini, and she could not really do any much but remain in the same thoughts over and over. Bringing the same thoughts again and again, the entire day the result was the entire day was spent in ruminating of w

  Teachers have profound impact on the minds of the young and the older. There is no age for learning. You can be a student all your life. However, few have the geniune interest for studying and applying it to real life. It's not about ability. As ability can be there or developed if there is a will. For those who do not have the passion, it takes a lot from the teacher to ignite it within the student.  But salute to the ones who shape minds, who make futures, who play the mentor and guide to bring learners out of limiting beliefs. Today's children are bubbling with energy, overexposed to external stimuli and carry numerous questions. How can their energy be channeled in the right way. As parents handle one or two kids. But teachers handle atleast 20 or more in class. Definitely the number per class is not lesser than that. An amazing portrayal of what I mean here in the picture. A teacher is like a DJ for learning.. 1. Shifts what matters from everything else. 2. Creates the r

  Loved this - No one can see his reflection in running water. It's only still water that we can see. Such an insightful analogy, and also profound.  Pause and give it a thought. How fundamental it is to approach any situation with a calm mind to see a clear picture. At most times the storm is within the individual. A series of thoughts blocking the mind. Choose to let them obstruct your path and they will. Vis-a-vis choose to clear the mind from running negative images. Let settle in positivity by challenging the limiting beliefs.  A coach can help in this regard. Be it relationship, finance, career, role change, learning challenges or any such aspect.  Only if a person approaches his world with calm, he will be able to see his reflection of thoughts objectively.  How calm are the waters in your mind at most times? Do you see your reflection clearly? 

  On a day when there was much peace and a fun mood at work, my colleague exclaimed.. don't read news or you will get Covid. The team laughed and so did I then. When I did give it more thought later, it was not just a statement, it had a deeper meaning. We attract our energies which affect our body.  At times the news is drastically filled with one particular type of news. Like for example the Russia-Ukraine war is on since 5 months now. But the initial few days, it was flooding the news channels. Each and every news channel was showing the same pictures and discussions. But as time has passed, the news of the war has reduced. The war news was really disturbing. Many students returned to their home country and till that time many emotions were floating around as the news showed their plight. Similarly, Covid news kept showing throughout the first two waves all over the world. People mourned deaths of their loved ones and sympathised with the sufferings of the others. With cases ris

I sat in the auto and put my lunch bag to my right and my laptop bag to my left. And the very next minute felt a bit uncomfortable as I reached out with my left hand to open the chain of my laptop bag to fetch my ear pods. Why? To my left hand this action felt alien as usually my bags are kept the other way round and my right hand goes into the laptop bag zipper to reach the ear pods. Sounds simple.. try it yourself and see how this small change makes you feel conscious and pull your attention to a task which you did almost monotonous.  I was attending a training recently where we spoke on patterns of behaviour, exiting comfort zones and rewiring our minds. Is this also rewiring? I wonder! While I brush with my dominant hand, i tried using my left hand one day and I was again feeling that I'm paying extra attention to that action and actually building a different neural pathway for the same activity. NLP states that every individual can learn any skill if he wants to and that too a

Managers expectations when it comes to vacancies..uff.. Am I supposed to know it all? To what extent should I have expertise in all whatever is written in this list? This job description seems to be very comprehensive, I am not really sure how many things I can cater to, this list seems to be endless.  These and many more such thoughts crossed the mind of Ramesh as he can scanned the job description for a potential job he was applying for. Like Ramesh, I think, we all go through this. We are really not sure of how many things in the job description which is mentioned by a potential employer can be full filled by us.  It is not about doubting yourself or your qualities, or skills, it is about the number of items which the list has and how many things you hold expertise in, how many things you know well, and how many things you think you have touched up on briefly in your career, which maybe applicable to this job too.  How many of us like Ramesh and think about this..let's us be hon

  In continuation to the story of the manager who understands how bogged down Seema is with her work and personal commitments, yet fails to put some empathy to action. The manager had decided to actually get another person who would do all the tasks which Seema was supposed to do. This new person, as per the manger would do a better job than Seema.  So was the manager planning to replace Seema? Not really.. But the other side to the coin was perish.. Seema would see the other person doing much better and getting all the praises and eventually leave the job as she would be looking at her own inefficiency. This was the subtle idea the manager had. Although overtly, the manager would never ask her to go.  They say the grass is always greener on the other side. Seema had been long thinking that she deserved a better boss, and so did the manager think of Seema as an employee. But they never thought of actually resolving thier mutual differences, understanding each other and looking at each

  As promised in my early or blog, I would be glad to continue discussing about the importance of the precise communication you engage in with your colleagues as work instructions.  So finally did the manager listen or did the people take charge of the task jointly as a team? What are those tasks people are not clear about? What task they are supposed to be communicated well, even if you describe who has to and do not have to engage in it? Who should be having clarity and who is supposed to do that timely discussion? Who owns the task is not clear and the social loafing concept spoken in the earlier blog talks of just this. Every one thought that someone else is supposed to do the task.  Some thought that the manager is just expressing his thoughts to us, maybe he will do it himself.    Listening for managers is beyond the listening of words, it is understanding of the psyche and listening to the mental dialogue, thoughts of the individuals. Was our manager in the story doing that? Oh

 Yes, you read it right. It's not enough to know what you don't know. That is Conscious Incompetence.  You know you are not good at something and you are aware that you don't know a skill. So act upon it. As per NLP, every human can learn any skill and grab any knowledge he requires at any age . Many times as a coach I face a situation that there are people who are very well aware of what they are not knowing and lacking in their career. But surprisingly, it does your brother them even. So many a times as a coach I face the situation where people come complaining that they have lost out on a promotion or they have not progress on their job as they were desiring but when asked about their efforts, it clearly shows that they have not putting those efforts which are required. It is not just enough to know that you are not having those skills. You are not even ready to put in the efforts required; that you sit with a coach or a mentor or a senior manager and try and understand