Understanding Human Psychology

  In the pursuit of success, the mantra "hard work pays off". While this has echoed through the corridors of ambition for generations. As we approach the year-end, I take this opportunity to reflect on the role of relentless effort in achieving some of my goals. In my life, hard work is undoubtedly a crucial ingredient for success. Hard work is the backbone of achievement and molds aspirations into reality. I never fail to see my dreams come to life by consistently promising myself to take action.  I have been chasing some major goals in the past few days, which has kept me away from writing my blog. But I look forward to dedicating my soul to achieving my goals. The fruits of success are sweet.  2023, has also kept me motivated, as all year round I've been doing what I do best. That is interacting with people, getting to know them, train people, coach people. Thankyou for this 2023! In the coming year, I wish that everyone embrace a new challenge, a new goal. I would als

At times you wonder, what can you do different for other people around you? Can you do something which they will remember you for a lifetime? Well we all have that potential to do something which is so difference that people remember us for it. Have you ever thought why people write there autobiography? Yes most of the times they write to inspire others. They want to celebrate their life story. They want to inspire others by talking about the successes and struggles they have been through, the steps they took towards success, they want to talk about what are the take away which others can also follow or maybe tweak something in that and then follow. Your Stories can inspire someone to pursue their dream. Never doubt the impact of sharing it. I do understand that everyone is just living their life and may not have the thought and time to share their stories. However the truth is there is so many so so many of us who have wonderful stories to share and to get inspired from. Do we all req

  A farmer planted seeds on his farm and rested for the rain to fall and seeds to flourish into crops. Two seeds started talking. One said I feel so lazy, I do not want to grow up so soon. Growing up is so boring and even tedious to do. I think I will rest in the soil for a while.  The second seed which was buried deep already felt the urge to grow. He said I am waiting for the rain to fall and it is my duty to flourish and bloom into a beautiful plant. That is what my life is for and I will do what I am supposed to do.  As time passed the seed that rested slept for days and months and the other one grew tall and green. One day the farmers dog was playing on the farm and since the spot where the sleeping seed lay was open and barren, he dug it up. The seed was unearthed. The farmer's hen came pecking there and ate the seed. That was the end of a life not well spent.  Learning has to be continuous to be impactful. It cannot be a one off time of training or reading something. We are

  Have you heard of the story of the elephant in chains? Yes, to tame the giant, when they are young and not strong, they are tied to a pole or a tree using ropes or chains. They are not strong enough to break themselves free at that time. As time passes by they consider it a given that they will be tied to the pole forever. Even with full strength in their bodies, they fail to apply it as they have accepted their life tied to the pole. Another story we have often heard is of the boiling frog. A frog is kept in water and kept to boil. The frog initially is very comfortable. Till the water is warm it feels like this is the ideal temperature. At one point the frog starts feeling hot, but does not still want to jump out as earlier he did not do it. After a certain temperature, the water is boiling and the frog is unable to act, so it boils to death. The other day I saw a truck full of chickens outside a chicken shop. As the man was pulling out the chickens and handing them to the shopkeep

  Read this beautiful story about two zebras who were crossing a river while wandering the forest. They were bets of friends and were enjoying the tranquility of the moment. They both broke from the main herd of zebras and choose to seek enlightenment. While they were wadding through, a lion jumped from the bushes and asked for help to cross the river. He said that he was frightened of the water and wanted to be carried across. One of the zebras readily agreed, while the other seemed disturbed on that offer by his friend. After crossing the river and exchanging good byes, they walked their way in the forest. One of the zebras who ho carried the lion asked the other what happened, what causes you to be so worried? The other zebra asked why did u allow the lion to climb your back, he could have eated us. We would have been dead. Are you insane? The other zebra calmly replied  “Brother, this happened many many miles back, it was I who carried the lion on my back and it was I who placed hi

Happiness, are we pretending? Or is it really there? If we ask, what will it will it take to say I am really happy.  Simple things like painting with crayons makes kids happy, playing with even things which are around you, readily available at home, makes kids happy.  It's not about how expensive the toy is. It is about how simple it is for the kids to understand at his age and just be happy with whatever is available. When there is a purpose to live, you feel happy. So do kids too have a purpose to life? If they get all the basic needs satisfied, they will just spend their time happily. But after we grow up, why are things so complicated? Is it that our needs increase? If we go to see, referring to my last post, we all are having someone to pack our parachute, that is, someone is backing us to do all the essentials, so that we can do what is our priority, what we are supposed to do.  I feel, although happiness is self-driven, our own perception of the circumstances we are in. Yet

 Are you relevant to the current times? Keeping pace with the tide is vital to be relevant. Relevance is doing what keeps you up in your game of life. What does it take to stay relevant in today's world? I asked many of my friends and colleagues, what does it mean for you to stay relevant and what do you need to do to stay relevant? Since I am in the training and coaching field, I got answers from individuals of the same cohort. They stated that for them relevance means know what is latest in your area of expertise, gaining mastery over skills and behaviours of your type of job. For being relevant, usually we upgrade our knowledge, learn new skills and inculcate behaviours which clearly push your growth trajectory.  But staying relevant also means shedding old notions, letting go off what does not work for you anymore. Staying relevant means making way for the new, giving up unhealthy and unresourceful ideas and beliefs. Like a snake sheds his skin, and birds shed their old feather

 Priya was a life coach, she would coach hundreds of stressed individuals and help them sort their lives. Think of life in a simplified way and gain a fresh perspective. However she would often hear from others about how strong a coach would be and would never need any external venting to feel better in any situation. The common words of others would be 'You must be so sorted yourself, as you understand human psychology and who will behave in what way, at what time.' When people look at the life of a councellor or a coach, many a times I have heard them say in awe. Wow your life must be so sorted. There must be just no issue that is worrying you. You must be always taking the right decisions. You must be always thinking objectively. Nothing can deter a person who is so positive. The likes of all of this and more, is a common understanding of many individuals who come in contact with a counselor or even with a life coach.  The truth is how vulnerable we all are as human beings.

Remember Riya from our previous article? She was the one who had made a perception of bias towards women in offices because of behaviour of one boss which she generalized across bosses and workplaces. So one day Riya was asked to arrange employee engagement activities at office for Diwali. Her boss Raj gave her the primary responsibility of the task while she also could ask for help and assistance from her colleagues Rohit and Priya. As the program got over, Riya saw few gifts which she was distributing, missing from the lot. As a token of participation, the organisation had arranged plants as gifts. Riya inquired about the miss and the office boys told her that many employees liked the plants and picked them up to take them home. Riya thought that it was a low value item, and they were in excess anyway, so there is no need to inform anyone about the incident. That evening, Raj shared his appreciation in front of the entire team about how Riya conducted the program so well and all the

It was Anand v/s Riya at the chess competition in the office canteen. It was funny when Riya observed the crowd cheer them. She saw from the corner of her eye that her boss gave some special attention to Anand while he had his turn to play.  The boss Seetaram was so involved in signalling Anand the next winning moves that he dint even realise that Riya was also a part of his team. Was Seetaram biased? Well in this scenario anyone would think that he was. However, if we go to see from a non-biased third person perspective, that was just a quick judgement we just passed about Seetaram's personality.  An NLP (Neuro Linguistic Programming) presupposition states 'You cannot not communicate'. We are always communicating via verbal medium or through our body language. Even our silence speaks volumes about our feelings and mood.   Here too, Seetaram was communicating through his body language and gestures. It was assumed in Riya's head that she was been treated unfairly. Altho

 It is often felt that children are difficult to handle, we require a lot of patience with them. But I guess it's not just children, it is even adults at times. Adults also find it difficult to understand your point at times and rebel. What can you do with them? They are also vulnerable at so many times. Are they different than children to deal with at such times? At times being available for them is all what they need you to be. Just be there for them and things will change when they work on it themselves. Let me tell you what I am trying to say using a beautiful story. One day there was a sage who lived in the thick forest. A 20 year old boy who lived in the nearby habitat, came across the sage. He was mesmerized by the aura the sage carried and instantly decided to have the sage as his master. The boy often would come to the forest and meet his master, exchange ideas and discuss on life and would go back to his home.  One such day he came to the forest in search of his mater. He

  Teachers have profound impact on the minds of the young and the older. There is no age for learning. You can be a student all your life. However, few have the geniune interest for studying and applying it to real life. It's not about ability. As ability can be there or developed if there is a will. For those who do not have the passion, it takes a lot from the teacher to ignite it within the student.  But salute to the ones who shape minds, who make futures, who play the mentor and guide to bring learners out of limiting beliefs. Today's children are bubbling with energy, overexposed to external stimuli and carry numerous questions. How can their energy be channeled in the right way. As parents handle one or two kids. But teachers handle atleast 20 or more in class. Definitely the number per class is not lesser than that. An amazing portrayal of what I mean here in the picture. A teacher is like a DJ for learning.. 1. Shifts what matters from everything else. 2. Creates the r

  Confidence is the ability to feel beautiful without someone need to be telling you that you really are.. If you have doubts about yourself and do not value yourself, how would others value you. No they would definitely not.  You know your worth. And if you do not you must explore it. Yes, social validation proves great when you are already having the high spirits. But at most times when the spirits are low and you carry a low self-esteem, even social validation proves to be a momentary rush of energy.  You can be judged by others opinions. And why do I say that? Because all opinions will vary. If you actually start looking at yourself through others eyes, you will land up having to be dependent on the other person's thought-process about you. You will have many different opinions from people and they will highly influence you to think their way. Each will have their own. No point in having a confused indentity consisted on other's thinking.  Most of the time people pass casua

  Loved this - No one can see his reflection in running water. It's only still water that we can see. Such an insightful analogy, and also profound.  Pause and give it a thought. How fundamental it is to approach any situation with a calm mind to see a clear picture. At most times the storm is within the individual. A series of thoughts blocking the mind. Choose to let them obstruct your path and they will. Vis-a-vis choose to clear the mind from running negative images. Let settle in positivity by challenging the limiting beliefs.  A coach can help in this regard. Be it relationship, finance, career, role change, learning challenges or any such aspect.  Only if a person approaches his world with calm, he will be able to see his reflection of thoughts objectively.  How calm are the waters in your mind at most times? Do you see your reflection clearly? 

Managers expectations when it comes to vacancies..uff.. Am I supposed to know it all? To what extent should I have expertise in all whatever is written in this list? This job description seems to be very comprehensive, I am not really sure how many things I can cater to, this list seems to be endless.  These and many more such thoughts crossed the mind of Ramesh as he can scanned the job description for a potential job he was applying for. Like Ramesh, I think, we all go through this. We are really not sure of how many things in the job description which is mentioned by a potential employer can be full filled by us.  It is not about doubting yourself or your qualities, or skills, it is about the number of items which the list has and how many things you hold expertise in, how many things you know well, and how many things you think you have touched up on briefly in your career, which maybe applicable to this job too.  How many of us like Ramesh and think about this..let's us be hon

  In continuation to the story of the manager who understands how bogged down Seema is with her work and personal commitments, yet fails to put some empathy to action. The manager had decided to actually get another person who would do all the tasks which Seema was supposed to do. This new person, as per the manger would do a better job than Seema.  So was the manager planning to replace Seema? Not really.. But the other side to the coin was perish.. Seema would see the other person doing much better and getting all the praises and eventually leave the job as she would be looking at her own inefficiency. This was the subtle idea the manager had. Although overtly, the manager would never ask her to go.  They say the grass is always greener on the other side. Seema had been long thinking that she deserved a better boss, and so did the manager think of Seema as an employee. But they never thought of actually resolving thier mutual differences, understanding each other and looking at each

  As promised in my early or blog, I would be glad to continue discussing about the importance of the precise communication you engage in with your colleagues as work instructions.  So finally did the manager listen or did the people take charge of the task jointly as a team? What are those tasks people are not clear about? What task they are supposed to be communicated well, even if you describe who has to and do not have to engage in it? Who should be having clarity and who is supposed to do that timely discussion? Who owns the task is not clear and the social loafing concept spoken in the earlier blog talks of just this. Every one thought that someone else is supposed to do the task.  Some thought that the manager is just expressing his thoughts to us, maybe he will do it himself.    Listening for managers is beyond the listening of words, it is understanding of the psyche and listening to the mental dialogue, thoughts of the individuals. Was our manager in the story doing that? Oh

  He asked his Manager, 'who will be responsible for this work?', and his Manager told him, 'Oh you all are responsible, do it together, you have to all own this.' When this happened, what do you think was the outcome...we will see... Social Loafing, what about this concept. Let me clarify, what it really means. When a task is given on common forum and it is told that you all have to own it, it is something common between you all, and you have to do it. It could be like making a calendar, like documenting and reporting or sending an email or anything for that matter. If you don't tell anybody specifically what is supposed to be done, then definitely there will be no particular person responsible for it. Then social loafing effect will take place. I have to do the task or another person? And everybody thinks, somebody else will do it. It is like when an accident happens on the road, and that is a classic example of social loafing. Everybody looks at each other's

 Yes, you read it right. It's not enough to know what you don't know. That is Conscious Incompetence.  You know you are not good at something and you are aware that you don't know a skill. So act upon it. As per NLP, every human can learn any skill and grab any knowledge he requires at any age . Many times as a coach I face a situation that there are people who are very well aware of what they are not knowing and lacking in their career. But surprisingly, it does your brother them even. So many a times as a coach I face the situation where people come complaining that they have lost out on a promotion or they have not progress on their job as they were desiring but when asked about their efforts, it clearly shows that they have not putting those efforts which are required. It is not just enough to know that you are not having those skills. You are not even ready to put in the efforts required; that you sit with a coach or a mentor or a senior manager and try and understand

  Enlightenment is when a wave realises it is in the ocean. Wow! The wave knows what it is capable of, and so should we:) There are facets of competence which each and every individual possesses. By that I mean the parameters of competence and we will discuss one of it in this blog, that is Conscious Competence. Every person for doing a particular job requires a particular set of competence.  In my earlier blog, I had spoken about competence and also how necessary it is to be aware about your competence. So what is this awareness? Being aware is about being conscious about what competence I am having. This is known as 'Conscious Competence'. At times what happens is the person knows what is required for him to perform on the job and also knows that he possesses particular knowledge, skills, and abilities (KSA). It has been proven in his past job, or in his current job that he is capable of doing that particular job role that in particular is aiming to grow . In a coaching situa