Understanding Human Psychology

  A good night sleep heals everything. A tired mind and even an ailing body. That is what many people are heard saying. Have you ever felt that a realaxed sleep brought you so much peace that your energy got renewed? In spite of this, have you also felt tired even after getting a crazy amount of sleep? I am sure many of us have gone through this experience. What do you think could be the reason?  While it is true that we are physically rested but mentally not at peace. Hence we are stressed and cannot have a sleep without any thoughts.  It happens with all of us. I have developed my own technique to deal with it and I do follow it at most times. I shall share it with you here as a gift as we move to the new year.  Before we falll it is great to follow a ritual. I do it. Like I say in my mind few words of gratitude to all those who have crossed my path in the day, i pray and then shut my eyes. However, to control the worrying thoughts which flow on and on i do this visualisation exercis

  It's not about how far you've gone, it just that you have moved forward. As winter approaches and the weather turns cold, snow and pine trees make their place with joy. Yes joy, there is so much of it around if you look for it. If you don't believe my words, just reflect on your life. It's just something new to look forward to at the end of the year. Many things slow down with the changing weather. We begin to focus on our family and close ones, who have brought so much to us throughout the year.  Think about the person who is most important to you in life, how has the person impacted you in this year? Think about those who raised this person with the values you admire him or her to have.  Think about that teacher you had in school or college, who made you disciplined and smart enough to face the world. Think about the mentor at your workplace, who helps you face your work challenges day in and out. Think about the coach who has been a sounding board for you and absor

 Priya was a life coach, she would coach hundreds of stressed individuals and help them sort their lives. Think of life in a simplified way and gain a fresh perspective. However she would often hear from others about how strong a coach would be and would never need any external venting to feel better in any situation. The common words of others would be 'You must be so sorted yourself, as you understand human psychology and who will behave in what way, at what time.' When people look at the life of a councellor or a coach, many a times I have heard them say in awe. Wow your life must be so sorted. There must be just no issue that is worrying you. You must be always taking the right decisions. You must be always thinking objectively. Nothing can deter a person who is so positive. The likes of all of this and more, is a common understanding of many individuals who come in contact with a counselor or even with a life coach.  The truth is how vulnerable we all are as human beings.

  After Riya got flak from her boss Raj for her negligence at work and in fact going ahead and hiding that till asked about it. What do you think Riya felt? And what do you think changed in her behaviour after that incident? She instantly felt demotivated. She decided not to go back and ask him anything related to work also. She started staying aloof and bad mouthing the organisation and it's culture to others, even at work. Feeling anxious, worried, not comfortable to confront are common feelings while we need to go ahead get feedback and ask for feedback. Not seeking feedback does not only deprive you of learning opportunities, but also keeps you away from a much needed insight, especially in form of a constructive feedback. Additionally the eagerness to receive feedback can have a positive impact on the way your seniors perceive you. Many employees are either fearful to ask for feedback or do not know how to initiate the conversation with their seniors or peers in their team. Us

Remember Riya from our previous article? She was the one who had made a perception of bias towards women in offices because of behaviour of one boss which she generalized across bosses and workplaces. So one day Riya was asked to arrange employee engagement activities at office for Diwali. Her boss Raj gave her the primary responsibility of the task while she also could ask for help and assistance from her colleagues Rohit and Priya. As the program got over, Riya saw few gifts which she was distributing, missing from the lot. As a token of participation, the organisation had arranged plants as gifts. Riya inquired about the miss and the office boys told her that many employees liked the plants and picked them up to take them home. Riya thought that it was a low value item, and they were in excess anyway, so there is no need to inform anyone about the incident. That evening, Raj shared his appreciation in front of the entire team about how Riya conducted the program so well and all the

It was Anand v/s Riya at the chess competition in the office canteen. It was funny when Riya observed the crowd cheer them. She saw from the corner of her eye that her boss gave some special attention to Anand while he had his turn to play.  The boss Seetaram was so involved in signalling Anand the next winning moves that he dint even realise that Riya was also a part of his team. Was Seetaram biased? Well in this scenario anyone would think that he was. However, if we go to see from a non-biased third person perspective, that was just a quick judgement we just passed about Seetaram's personality.  An NLP (Neuro Linguistic Programming) presupposition states 'You cannot not communicate'. We are always communicating via verbal medium or through our body language. Even our silence speaks volumes about our feelings and mood.   Here too, Seetaram was communicating through his body language and gestures. It was assumed in Riya's head that she was been treated unfairly. Altho

  While Lenmark was on his daily walk he spotted a man jogging his way, without feeling the stress or even panting the way Lenmark was. Lenmark thought to himself, 'What fitness does this guy have. Wow! I wish i could be like him n jog without panting at all. Although I have been able to make it for my walk, i still am not good enough.' The day proceed and Lenmark was on a client update call. His counterpart was giving an update and was garnering praises from the boss for his communication. This is when Lenmark thought, 'Woah! When will I get that kind of praise too? I am not good enough with my communication. I need to gear up.' During lunch hour, the team slurpped on another team member's tiffin. Lenmark watched it carefully and thought, 'I can't cook so well too. I am so not good enough.' During a late evening meeting, it was Lenmark's time to present a project he had been working on since a long long period. After his presentation, his team appla

  It was pooja at home. It was Shalini's wish that her daughter and her son in law came in and sit for the rituals since they were in town. It would also be their first pooja after their marriage. However her daughter refused. She said ''mom I don't really think it matters. I am tired. It is a Sunday and I want to rest as in the entire week I will not get rest and the pooja really does not matter much to me. Please pray to the lord Ganesha from my end." If you were in Shalini's shoes now, how would you feel? Shalini was really upset that why her daughter who was brought up in a particular way, thought in this fashion that was asynchronous to her thoughts. What made her actually say those words that the pooja didn't really matter? It was upsetting for Shalini, and she could not really do any much but remain in the same thoughts over and over. Bringing the same thoughts again and again, the entire day the result was the entire day was spent in ruminating of w

 It is often felt that children are difficult to handle, we require a lot of patience with them. But I guess it's not just children, it is even adults at times. Adults also find it difficult to understand your point at times and rebel. What can you do with them? They are also vulnerable at so many times. Are they different than children to deal with at such times? At times being available for them is all what they need you to be. Just be there for them and things will change when they work on it themselves. Let me tell you what I am trying to say using a beautiful story. One day there was a sage who lived in the thick forest. A 20 year old boy who lived in the nearby habitat, came across the sage. He was mesmerized by the aura the sage carried and instantly decided to have the sage as his master. The boy often would come to the forest and meet his master, exchange ideas and discuss on life and would go back to his home.  One such day he came to the forest in search of his mater. He

  Teachers have profound impact on the minds of the young and the older. There is no age for learning. You can be a student all your life. However, few have the geniune interest for studying and applying it to real life. It's not about ability. As ability can be there or developed if there is a will. For those who do not have the passion, it takes a lot from the teacher to ignite it within the student.  But salute to the ones who shape minds, who make futures, who play the mentor and guide to bring learners out of limiting beliefs. Today's children are bubbling with energy, overexposed to external stimuli and carry numerous questions. How can their energy be channeled in the right way. As parents handle one or two kids. But teachers handle atleast 20 or more in class. Definitely the number per class is not lesser than that. An amazing portrayal of what I mean here in the picture. A teacher is like a DJ for learning.. 1. Shifts what matters from everything else. 2. Creates the r

  Confidence is the ability to feel beautiful without someone need to be telling you that you really are.. If you have doubts about yourself and do not value yourself, how would others value you. No they would definitely not.  You know your worth. And if you do not you must explore it. Yes, social validation proves great when you are already having the high spirits. But at most times when the spirits are low and you carry a low self-esteem, even social validation proves to be a momentary rush of energy.  You can be judged by others opinions. And why do I say that? Because all opinions will vary. If you actually start looking at yourself through others eyes, you will land up having to be dependent on the other person's thought-process about you. You will have many different opinions from people and they will highly influence you to think their way. Each will have their own. No point in having a confused indentity consisted on other's thinking.  Most of the time people pass casua

Freedom, we all want it right? We all want to have freedom of speech, freedom to live, to pursue what we want, to wear what we like, to eat what we love, to just be what we want to be. In these 75 glorious years of Azadi, even the children of this nation have understood and want to practice freedom in every way.  But one thing we are yet to get freedom from is azadi from repetitive, pressing negative thoughts. On this day of Azadi ka Amrut Mahotsav, I pray and wish that all the citizens of the nation practice freedom from any thought which is disheartening. Like in this picture it is said, that look at the bloom and enjoy it while it's here, it may not be there tomorrow for you to see and enjoy. In the same way, we must enjoy our life. Life's bloom is not a forever thing. But when we are preoccupied with our routine and upset about things which are not going fine, we are unable to see this bloom and enjoy what we have.  Always have the attitude of gratitude and life will give y

Over the years I've become certain of how opinionated people are. As a child when your beliefs are formed, that's when I came across people in my society talking about the right games for children to play, the right clothes to wear, the proper time to step out of the house to play, the right set of people to mix around with. Standards of decency, fashion, being a good child, and gender-specific behaviors, like all, are defined in the unwritten, yet so tightly held and adhered to law book by society.  This law book is carried by children well into adulthood and throughout life as opinions of others turn into beliefs that strengthen to become accepted ways of life.  Are these ways of life and beliefs all dysfunctional? Nope, I'm not trying to say that here. All I want is to show the world, as a mind coach, that we all, including you and me, will hold at any point in time both rational and irrational beliefs. They influence our patterns of behavior at all times. They predict h

  Loved this - No one can see his reflection in running water. It's only still water that we can see. Such an insightful analogy, and also profound.  Pause and give it a thought. How fundamental it is to approach any situation with a calm mind to see a clear picture. At most times the storm is within the individual. A series of thoughts blocking the mind. Choose to let them obstruct your path and they will. Vis-a-vis choose to clear the mind from running negative images. Let settle in positivity by challenging the limiting beliefs.  A coach can help in this regard. Be it relationship, finance, career, role change, learning challenges or any such aspect.  Only if a person approaches his world with calm, he will be able to see his reflection of thoughts objectively.  How calm are the waters in your mind at most times? Do you see your reflection clearly? 

  On a day when there was much peace and a fun mood at work, my colleague exclaimed.. don't read news or you will get Covid. The team laughed and so did I then. When I did give it more thought later, it was not just a statement, it had a deeper meaning. We attract our energies which affect our body.  At times the news is drastically filled with one particular type of news. Like for example the Russia-Ukraine war is on since 5 months now. But the initial few days, it was flooding the news channels. Each and every news channel was showing the same pictures and discussions. But as time has passed, the news of the war has reduced. The war news was really disturbing. Many students returned to their home country and till that time many emotions were floating around as the news showed their plight. Similarly, Covid news kept showing throughout the first two waves all over the world. People mourned deaths of their loved ones and sympathised with the sufferings of the others. With cases ris

I sat in the auto and put my lunch bag to my right and my laptop bag to my left. And the very next minute felt a bit uncomfortable as I reached out with my left hand to open the chain of my laptop bag to fetch my ear pods. Why? To my left hand this action felt alien as usually my bags are kept the other way round and my right hand goes into the laptop bag zipper to reach the ear pods. Sounds simple.. try it yourself and see how this small change makes you feel conscious and pull your attention to a task which you did almost monotonous.  I was attending a training recently where we spoke on patterns of behaviour, exiting comfort zones and rewiring our minds. Is this also rewiring? I wonder! While I brush with my dominant hand, i tried using my left hand one day and I was again feeling that I'm paying extra attention to that action and actually building a different neural pathway for the same activity. NLP states that every individual can learn any skill if he wants to and that too a

Managers expectations when it comes to vacancies..uff.. Am I supposed to know it all? To what extent should I have expertise in all whatever is written in this list? This job description seems to be very comprehensive, I am not really sure how many things I can cater to, this list seems to be endless.  These and many more such thoughts crossed the mind of Ramesh as he can scanned the job description for a potential job he was applying for. Like Ramesh, I think, we all go through this. We are really not sure of how many things in the job description which is mentioned by a potential employer can be full filled by us.  It is not about doubting yourself or your qualities, or skills, it is about the number of items which the list has and how many things you hold expertise in, how many things you know well, and how many things you think you have touched up on briefly in your career, which maybe applicable to this job too.  How many of us like Ramesh and think about this..let's us be hon

  In continuation to the story of the manager who understands how bogged down Seema is with her work and personal commitments, yet fails to put some empathy to action. The manager had decided to actually get another person who would do all the tasks which Seema was supposed to do. This new person, as per the manger would do a better job than Seema.  So was the manager planning to replace Seema? Not really.. But the other side to the coin was perish.. Seema would see the other person doing much better and getting all the praises and eventually leave the job as she would be looking at her own inefficiency. This was the subtle idea the manager had. Although overtly, the manager would never ask her to go.  They say the grass is always greener on the other side. Seema had been long thinking that she deserved a better boss, and so did the manager think of Seema as an employee. But they never thought of actually resolving thier mutual differences, understanding each other and looking at each

  What's with this Work-Life Balance.. The expansion of business brought its own challenges. Seema asked her manager, this is all too much to do. There is lots on our plate. But somehow, it felt as if, she was not being understood. Seema kept thinking how should she convince that she is doing all of the tasks which overwhelm her. Maybe her manager even knew the reality, and maybe the manager was also overworked. But it was all about the commitments the manager had made to the senior management. Because of the expectations of the senior management, he could not then go back on his words. It so became that Seema had to adhere. And she was feeling very pressurised with what she was going through at home also. She seemed to break down in her work and personal life balance. Managers today need to behave as coaches too, who need to deep dive in the employee's life to understand the various facets which hold importance for him or her. Like here Seema was not having the bandwidth of wh

  As promised in my early or blog, I would be glad to continue discussing about the importance of the precise communication you engage in with your colleagues as work instructions.  So finally did the manager listen or did the people take charge of the task jointly as a team? What are those tasks people are not clear about? What task they are supposed to be communicated well, even if you describe who has to and do not have to engage in it? Who should be having clarity and who is supposed to do that timely discussion? Who owns the task is not clear and the social loafing concept spoken in the earlier blog talks of just this. Every one thought that someone else is supposed to do the task.  Some thought that the manager is just expressing his thoughts to us, maybe he will do it himself.    Listening for managers is beyond the listening of words, it is understanding of the psyche and listening to the mental dialogue, thoughts of the individuals. Was our manager in the story doing that? Oh

  He asked his Manager, 'who will be responsible for this work?', and his Manager told him, 'Oh you all are responsible, do it together, you have to all own this.' When this happened, what do you think was the outcome...we will see... Social Loafing, what about this concept. Let me clarify, what it really means. When a task is given on common forum and it is told that you all have to own it, it is something common between you all, and you have to do it. It could be like making a calendar, like documenting and reporting or sending an email or anything for that matter. If you don't tell anybody specifically what is supposed to be done, then definitely there will be no particular person responsible for it. Then social loafing effect will take place. I have to do the task or another person? And everybody thinks, somebody else will do it. It is like when an accident happens on the road, and that is a classic example of social loafing. Everybody looks at each other's

  This is the last part to the series of blog which I was writing related to competence. Here I will talk about unconscious incompetence. Well, as the name suggest, you are completely unaware about what are the knowledge, skills and abilities which are lacking in your portfolio to do a particular job well. This is a blind area for the individual because the individual has never set, and thought about the same in his very busy schedule.  The very basic requirement which he will need to know to fulfill a particular task and even conduct a job search for self. I've met coachees who are very difficult because they are at the basic level of understanding of their KSAs and completely in their own world. They may not even realise that I am not knowing this skill to go to the next level. Never explored the unknown and never planned to walk that path. To them, one day, when somebody points out to them about a particular competency they lack in, or about a particular competency which they ar

 Yes, you read it right. It's not enough to know what you don't know. That is Conscious Incompetence.  You know you are not good at something and you are aware that you don't know a skill. So act upon it. As per NLP, every human can learn any skill and grab any knowledge he requires at any age . Many times as a coach I face a situation that there are people who are very well aware of what they are not knowing and lacking in their career. But surprisingly, it does your brother them even. So many a times as a coach I face the situation where people come complaining that they have lost out on a promotion or they have not progress on their job as they were desiring but when asked about their efforts, it clearly shows that they have not putting those efforts which are required. It is not just enough to know that you are not having those skills. You are not even ready to put in the efforts required; that you sit with a coach or a mentor or a senior manager and try and understand

Innate, yes, you have it within you. Those knowledge, skills and abilities (KSAs) that are so much in demand for growth in your organization and in your career. May be you have never looked for. Seek and you shall find. Many-a-times coachees are completely unaware about their potential. They may just be frustrated of a lost chance for promotion. Being frustrated really doesn't help as it just leads to a more of upset feeling and even the existing job role gets affected negatively to a great extent. Either the person may feel that he is not being valued and he may get such kind of perception about the outside world, which may not be real. Instead try to dig in and know the innate KSAs which would help him immediately get started to work for a promotion next year or mid year.  It is not impossible if we work towards it patiently. Just find out what the job role requires and what is it that you have it in you and are not yet putting it to the best possible use if you are unaware or it

  Enlightenment is when a wave realises it is in the ocean. Wow! The wave knows what it is capable of, and so should we:) There are facets of competence which each and every individual possesses. By that I mean the parameters of competence and we will discuss one of it in this blog, that is Conscious Competence. Every person for doing a particular job requires a particular set of competence.  In my earlier blog, I had spoken about competence and also how necessary it is to be aware about your competence. So what is this awareness? Being aware is about being conscious about what competence I am having. This is known as 'Conscious Competence'. At times what happens is the person knows what is required for him to perform on the job and also knows that he possesses particular knowledge, skills, and abilities (KSA). It has been proven in his past job, or in his current job that he is capable of doing that particular job role that in particular is aiming to grow . In a coaching situa

  So let's look at something very interesting today. Being a coach and trainer, I've been frequently meeting people on their personal and professional development concerns. A very prominent facet which comes out in most of the discussions is life feels like it is stuck, I'm not moving any further professionally. Hence personal life is also feeling low and dull. In an interview of Richard Bandler, I heard him say, "You can get intelligent day by day or dumber day by day. But you can't remain the same.' Now, what does this mean? And how is is related here? It means that as time passes you either use your life experiences and the learnings to improve their ways of work or they live mindless by doing dumber stuff.  So coming back to the challenge that most individuals face now-a-days. Most people who I speak to for coaching know they deserve better at work, better positions, better salary, challenging job profiles, recognition and fame in society. But how do they g

  There are different therapies available for various issues in today's times. For example, there are many alternative methods of curing various issues like EFT, NLP, law of attraction and many others that work on the subconscious mind. Alternative therapies have become even more popular than regular medical aid. Famous comedian, actor and foodie, Kunal Vijaykar lost 20 kgs through an alternative method of enhancing his subconscious mind. (https://m.timesofindia.com/life-style/health-fitness/weight-loss/indias-biggest-foodie-kunal-vijayakar-loses-20-kgs-by-enhancing-his-subconscious-brain-read-more/amp_articleshow/90595878.cms) Another video that caught my attention is how thousands of people are using hypnosis as a medium to lose massive amount of weight. This woman in the video just talks to the audiance in a closed hall for hours. After attending her program they start losing weight. Sharing the link here for viewing (https://youtu.be/Bftxx-WXSgA) Similarly, most diseases doc

  It's a picturesque view of nature around. Clear waters, birds chirping around, galloping dolphins, fresh breathable air, green grass, trees in full bloom. Yes we had it all. It was a brief period where we really got to see it all. The lockdown brought humans in cages and animals out of theirs. As we are now opening up again we realise the damage we are doing to nature day in and day out. How selfish can we get? We humans have already depleted much of Earth's resources.  Still if we see nature, we feel calm, composed and healed. For meditation, for inducing a deeply relaxed state, we often hear sounds of the sea waters, birds chirping, sound of the soft wind blowing. Nature continues to heal us. What are we doing to protect it? Truth is we are too busy in the world inside of us, to be really concerned about the world outside of us. We live in our heads, our life stories, our dreams. We then live in this physical world and so we do not pay attention to how nature actually is he

  I've been observing how pandemic has impacted children since a while now. When pandemic hit first, children were at a greater loss than adults. Adults were already living much of their work lives online, a long while ago prior to pandemic. But school and college children had not seen online lessons. The concept of online learning existed for working professionals and the pandemic enhanced it in full swing. Learning apps got a boost for schools and skill upgradation. What happened emotionally and psychologically with children is a lack of social space to interact and express themselves. We are social by nature and want to live in herd. It is our natural response to stick to our tribe to get the feeling of love, safety, security, belonging, recognition. I saw the same stress and fear, many kind of question marks on my daughter's face too, when I would take her to meet people or our for a walk. But another observation which I have made children who are in their teens are grea

We should have perspective to life , about how people behave, how things around us should be organised, how our behaviour should be in a given situation. But our perspective is our map of the world. It is our idea of how to live and navigate. As stated in NLP, map is not the territory. So long as our perspectives result in a positive and resourceful state, it seems to work well for us. But do all our perspectives lead to positivity and resourcefulness? We hold biases, negative attitudes, self limiting beliefs, upsetting thoughts in our minds, which are unresourceful. Although perspectives guide our everyday behaviour, but do we want to be guided in the negative and harmful direction? Not really. So by seeking coaching and counseling we can alter our perspectives and be accepting of the maps of other people. We can be more realistic of the objective surroundings and situations. One way you can do it yourself, is to question your ideas when you feel upset, or you feel that the worl

  Buddha said when the student is ready the teacher appears. This simplified, means that when the student wants to learn, the teacher must be able to transfer his knowledge. As a part of growth and personal development, I attend various events, programs and sessions related to my field. At times I have noticed that the students genuinely want to learn and are motivated to ask questions on the topic, but the speakers have an agenda which they want to follow and not deviate. So when posed with questions many speakers put the question in the parking lot or ignore it altogether, instead of answering it. It could be that it is a challenging question for the speaker to respond to. But still it is his duty to satisfy the curiosity of the audience by answering it. As a trainer myself, I relate to it that is a classroom if we go with an assumption that no person in the audience is smart and they are here to just listen and agree to the trainer, then please that thought is absolutely supposed

  We all have our own beliefs which guide in many aspects of life to take a certain course. Our beliefs also influence our thoughts and feelings towards others, be it family, friends or work colleagues. Whether what we believe is a fact is another debatable topic. But because we have beliefs, we choose certain behaviours and respond in peculiar ways. How are these beliefs formed and why do we live with them or rather do they stay with us throughout life? Can we change these beliefs? Should we? The answer to belief formation isn't simple. It is a process which is a part of personality development. It is formed as a part of experience as we interact with others. But beliefs make us categorise people as good or bad; once we feel that a person is good or bad, we take a firm stand in our minds and it tends to reduce our flexibility towards life. Let me get more specific here. Every behaviour elicits a reaction and that reaction usually is a definate or confirmed response which we giv

  In a training session, I recently learnt about an inspiring story of a 13 year old Chennai based girl, M Nethra. The real life hero and inspiration did not know what her good deal would give her in return until it really did. The story goes, that when the first lockdown struck there were many people who were left stranded on the road, without food, without adequate supply of ration, and money to meet the daily expenses. These people, mostly the daily wage earners, at that point of time, thought that they should leave for their villages to survive or else they would have to perish in poverty. Due to the sudden announcement of lockdown and closure of state transport systems, they had only one choice, that is walk many many miles to reach their destination. They had extremely a little money to survive and they thought the best way to survive for long term is to go to their hometowns as there was no mode of earning left in the city. Their plight was all in the news and was known to the