Understanding Human Psychology

  Once upon the time there was a huge oak tree which stood proudly on the banks of a river in the forest. At the foot of the oak there grew many reeds . They often spoke to each other about how different life is for them. The oak said he could view far and have a 360 degree view of the surroundings.  He seemed very proud of his height and slender self. The reeds listened silenty and also at times advised the oak to look at the ground to know what is happening right where they are growing. The oak refused to look down and bow down. He said flexibility is not my nature.  Just then, the winds turned vicious, the soil started to loosen, crazy winds took over. The oak tree, sticking to its nature, did not flex and uprooted. While the reeds bowed, flexed and stuck to the soil, they survived the storm.  Times demand us to be flexible, bow down when we know we can't stand tall, and take alternate routes when required. If we don't budge stating it's our nature, then the loss ...

 We are here for a short while and we must not crib. Lets take the most of of each moment, lets make more friends and spread more love. We must each day aim for exchange of positive vibes with whomever we come in contact. We must be enterprising enough to get ideas that can change the life of any individual we meet with exchange of thoughts, ideas, and sentiments. As a coach I have the capability and the privilege to listen to tons of people who flock in my calendar seeking my time to talk their woes and exchange perspectives towards life. Can I make a difference in their life just by being there? Yes ofcourse! Empathy, compassion, listening and showing the mirror is my job and I love what I do:) Today, in the office we celebrated International Coaching Week 2023. Although we did not splurge much on it and kept our enjoyment simple, it's the little joys that brought our team together in many ways. My boss took the baton in her hands to see to it that each individual gets a customis...

  A farmer planted seeds on his farm and rested for the rain to fall and seeds to flourish into crops. Two seeds started talking. One said I feel so lazy, I do not want to grow up so soon. Growing up is so boring and even tedious to do. I think I will rest in the soil for a while.  The second seed which was buried deep already felt the urge to grow. He said I am waiting for the rain to fall and it is my duty to flourish and bloom into a beautiful plant. That is what my life is for and I will do what I am supposed to do.  As time passed the seed that rested slept for days and months and the other one grew tall and green. One day the farmers dog was playing on the farm and since the spot where the sleeping seed lay was open and barren, he dug it up. The seed was unearthed. The farmer's hen came pecking there and ate the seed. That was the end of a life not well spent.  Learning has to be continuous to be impactful. It cannot be a one off time of training or reading som...

  Have you heard of the story of the elephant in chains? Yes, to tame the giant, when they are young and not strong, they are tied to a pole or a tree using ropes or chains. They are not strong enough to break themselves free at that time. As time passes by they consider it a given that they will be tied to the pole forever. Even with full strength in their bodies, they fail to apply it as they have accepted their life tied to the pole. Another story we have often heard is of the boiling frog. A frog is kept in water and kept to boil. The frog initially is very comfortable. Till the water is warm it feels like this is the ideal temperature. At one point the frog starts feeling hot, but does not still want to jump out as earlier he did not do it. After a certain temperature, the water is boiling and the frog is unable to act, so it boils to death. The other day I saw a truck full of chickens outside a chicken shop. As the man was pulling out the chickens and handing them to the shop...

  Read this beautiful story about two zebras who were crossing a river while wandering the forest. They were bets of friends and were enjoying the tranquility of the moment. They both broke from the main herd of zebras and choose to seek enlightenment. While they were wadding through, a lion jumped from the bushes and asked for help to cross the river. He said that he was frightened of the water and wanted to be carried across. One of the zebras readily agreed, while the other seemed disturbed on that offer by his friend. After crossing the river and exchanging good byes, they walked their way in the forest. One of the zebras who ho carried the lion asked the other what happened, what causes you to be so worried? The other zebra asked why did u allow the lion to climb your back, he could have eated us. We would have been dead. Are you insane? The other zebra calmly replied  “Brother, this happened many many miles back, it was I who carried the lion on my back and it was I who ...

I stumble across the story of captain Charlie Plumb who fought in the Vietnam war. His story on how he was tortured as a prisoner of war is well known.  From the time he joined military, he flew 74 times and landed back in his territory safely, however at the 75th time his plane was shot and with his parachute landed in the foreign territory where he became a prisoner of war. When after years he  returned to his homeland, his story of how he survived and his tactics of keeping his spirits high even in grave times was heard by many.  One day he came across a sailor, who was on the same ship from where Captain Pulmb had taken off that dreadful flight. The sailor recognised him and mentioned that he had packed the parachute for the flight for Plumb. Captain Pulmb had not recognised him, but suddenly felt grateful as due to the right things done by the sailor, Pulmb was able to effectively use the parachute and land safely. This instant humility which hit Plumb, becomes an ey...

  It's not about how far you've gone, it just that you have moved forward. As winter approaches and the weather turns cold, snow and pine trees make their place with joy. Yes joy, there is so much of it around if you look for it. If you don't believe my words, just reflect on your life. It's just something new to look forward to at the end of the year. Many things slow down with the changing weather. We begin to focus on our family and close ones, who have brought so much to us throughout the year.  Think about the person who is most important to you in life, how has the person impacted you in this year? Think about those who raised this person with the values you admire him or her to have.  Think about that teacher you had in school or college, who made you disciplined and smart enough to face the world. Think about the mentor at your workplace, who helps you face your work challenges day in and out. Think about the coach who has been a sounding board for you and absor...

 Priya was a life coach, she would coach hundreds of stressed individuals and help them sort their lives. Think of life in a simplified way and gain a fresh perspective. However she would often hear from others about how strong a coach would be and would never need any external venting to feel better in any situation. The common words of others would be 'You must be so sorted yourself, as you understand human psychology and who will behave in what way, at what time.' When people look at the life of a councellor or a coach, many a times I have heard them say in awe. Wow your life must be so sorted. There must be just no issue that is worrying you. You must be always taking the right decisions. You must be always thinking objectively. Nothing can deter a person who is so positive. The likes of all of this and more, is a common understanding of many individuals who come in contact with a counselor or even with a life coach.  The truth is how vulnerable we all are as human beings....

Remember Riya from our previous article? She was the one who had made a perception of bias towards women in offices because of behaviour of one boss which she generalized across bosses and workplaces. So one day Riya was asked to arrange employee engagement activities at office for Diwali. Her boss Raj gave her the primary responsibility of the task while she also could ask for help and assistance from her colleagues Rohit and Priya. As the program got over, Riya saw few gifts which she was distributing, missing from the lot. As a token of participation, the organisation had arranged plants as gifts. Riya inquired about the miss and the office boys told her that many employees liked the plants and picked them up to take them home. Riya thought that it was a low value item, and they were in excess anyway, so there is no need to inform anyone about the incident. That evening, Raj shared his appreciation in front of the entire team about how Riya conducted the program so well and all the ...

It was Anand v/s Riya at the chess competition in the office canteen. It was funny when Riya observed the crowd cheer them. She saw from the corner of her eye that her boss gave some special attention to Anand while he had his turn to play.  The boss Seetaram was so involved in signalling Anand the next winning moves that he dint even realise that Riya was also a part of his team. Was Seetaram biased? Well in this scenario anyone would think that he was. However, if we go to see from a non-biased third person perspective, that was just a quick judgement we just passed about Seetaram's personality.  An NLP (Neuro Linguistic Programming) presupposition states 'You cannot not communicate'. We are always communicating via verbal medium or through our body language. Even our silence speaks volumes about our feelings and mood.   Here too, Seetaram was communicating through his body language and gestures. It was assumed in Riya's head that she was been treated unfairly. Al...

  While Lenmark was on his daily walk he spotted a man jogging his way, without feeling the stress or even panting the way Lenmark was. Lenmark thought to himself, 'What fitness does this guy have. Wow! I wish i could be like him n jog without panting at all. Although I have been able to make it for my walk, i still am not good enough.' The day proceed and Lenmark was on a client update call. His counterpart was giving an update and was garnering praises from the boss for his communication. This is when Lenmark thought, 'Woah! When will I get that kind of praise too? I am not good enough with my communication. I need to gear up.' During lunch hour, the team slurpped on another team member's tiffin. Lenmark watched it carefully and thought, 'I can't cook so well too. I am so not good enough.' During a late evening meeting, it was Lenmark's time to present a project he had been working on since a long long period. After his presentation, his team appla...

 It is often felt that children are difficult to handle, we require a lot of patience with them. But I guess it's not just children, it is even adults at times. Adults also find it difficult to understand your point at times and rebel. What can you do with them? They are also vulnerable at so many times. Are they different than children to deal with at such times? At times being available for them is all what they need you to be. Just be there for them and things will change when they work on it themselves. Let me tell you what I am trying to say using a beautiful story. One day there was a sage who lived in the thick forest. A 20 year old boy who lived in the nearby habitat, came across the sage. He was mesmerized by the aura the sage carried and instantly decided to have the sage as his master. The boy often would come to the forest and meet his master, exchange ideas and discuss on life and would go back to his home.  One such day he came to the forest in search of his mate...

  Teachers have profound impact on the minds of the young and the older. There is no age for learning. You can be a student all your life. However, few have the geniune interest for studying and applying it to real life. It's not about ability. As ability can be there or developed if there is a will. For those who do not have the passion, it takes a lot from the teacher to ignite it within the student.  But salute to the ones who shape minds, who make futures, who play the mentor and guide to bring learners out of limiting beliefs. Today's children are bubbling with energy, overexposed to external stimuli and carry numerous questions. How can their energy be channeled in the right way. As parents handle one or two kids. But teachers handle atleast 20 or more in class. Definitely the number per class is not lesser than that. An amazing portrayal of what I mean here in the picture. A teacher is like a DJ for learning.. 1. Shifts what matters from everything else. 2. Creates the ...

  Confidence is the ability to feel beautiful without someone need to be telling you that you really are.. If you have doubts about yourself and do not value yourself, how would others value you. No they would definitely not.  You know your worth. And if you do not you must explore it. Yes, social validation proves great when you are already having the high spirits. But at most times when the spirits are low and you carry a low self-esteem, even social validation proves to be a momentary rush of energy.  You can be judged by others opinions. And why do I say that? Because all opinions will vary. If you actually start looking at yourself through others eyes, you will land up having to be dependent on the other person's thought-process about you. You will have many different opinions from people and they will highly influence you to think their way. Each will have their own. No point in having a confused indentity consisted on other's thinking.  Most of the time people...

  Loved this - No one can see his reflection in running water. It's only still water that we can see. Such an insightful analogy, and also profound.  Pause and give it a thought. How fundamental it is to approach any situation with a calm mind to see a clear picture. At most times the storm is within the individual. A series of thoughts blocking the mind. Choose to let them obstruct your path and they will. Vis-a-vis choose to clear the mind from running negative images. Let settle in positivity by challenging the limiting beliefs.  A coach can help in this regard. Be it relationship, finance, career, role change, learning challenges or any such aspect.  Only if a person approaches his world with calm, he will be able to see his reflection of thoughts objectively.  How calm are the waters in your mind at most times? Do you see your reflection clearly? 

I sat in the auto and put my lunch bag to my right and my laptop bag to my left. And the very next minute felt a bit uncomfortable as I reached out with my left hand to open the chain of my laptop bag to fetch my ear pods. Why? To my left hand this action felt alien as usually my bags are kept the other way round and my right hand goes into the laptop bag zipper to reach the ear pods. Sounds simple.. try it yourself and see how this small change makes you feel conscious and pull your attention to a task which you did almost monotonous.  I was attending a training recently where we spoke on patterns of behaviour, exiting comfort zones and rewiring our minds. Is this also rewiring? I wonder! While I brush with my dominant hand, i tried using my left hand one day and I was again feeling that I'm paying extra attention to that action and actually building a different neural pathway for the same activity. NLP states that every individual can learn any skill if he wants to and that too a...

Managers expectations when it comes to vacancies..uff.. Am I supposed to know it all? To what extent should I have expertise in all whatever is written in this list? This job description seems to be very comprehensive, I am not really sure how many things I can cater to, this list seems to be endless.  These and many more such thoughts crossed the mind of Ramesh as he can scanned the job description for a potential job he was applying for. Like Ramesh, I think, we all go through this. We are really not sure of how many things in the job description which is mentioned by a potential employer can be full filled by us.  It is not about doubting yourself or your qualities, or skills, it is about the number of items which the list has and how many things you hold expertise in, how many things you know well, and how many things you think you have touched up on briefly in your career, which maybe applicable to this job too.  How many of us like Ramesh and think about this..let's...

  As promised in my early or blog, I would be glad to continue discussing about the importance of the precise communication you engage in with your colleagues as work instructions.  So finally did the manager listen or did the people take charge of the task jointly as a team? What are those tasks people are not clear about? What task they are supposed to be communicated well, even if you describe who has to and do not have to engage in it? Who should be having clarity and who is supposed to do that timely discussion? Who owns the task is not clear and the social loafing concept spoken in the earlier blog talks of just this. Every one thought that someone else is supposed to do the task.  Some thought that the manager is just expressing his thoughts to us, maybe he will do it himself.    Listening for managers is beyond the listening of words, it is understanding of the psyche and listening to the mental dialogue, thoughts of the individuals. Was our manager in t...

 Yes, you read it right. It's not enough to know what you don't know. That is Conscious Incompetence.  You know you are not good at something and you are aware that you don't know a skill. So act upon it. As per NLP, every human can learn any skill and grab any knowledge he requires at any age . Many times as a coach I face a situation that there are people who are very well aware of what they are not knowing and lacking in their career. But surprisingly, it does your brother them even. So many a times as a coach I face the situation where people come complaining that they have lost out on a promotion or they have not progress on their job as they were desiring but when asked about their efforts, it clearly shows that they have not putting those efforts which are required. It is not just enough to know that you are not having those skills. You are not even ready to put in the efforts required; that you sit with a coach or a mentor or a senior manager and try and understand...

Innate, yes, you have it within you. Those knowledge, skills and abilities (KSAs) that are so much in demand for growth in your organization and in your career. May be you have never looked for. Seek and you shall find. Many-a-times coachees are completely unaware about their potential. They may just be frustrated of a lost chance for promotion. Being frustrated really doesn't help as it just leads to a more of upset feeling and even the existing job role gets affected negatively to a great extent. Either the person may feel that he is not being valued and he may get such kind of perception about the outside world, which may not be real. Instead try to dig in and know the innate KSAs which would help him immediately get started to work for a promotion next year or mid year.  It is not impossible if we work towards it patiently. Just find out what the job role requires and what is it that you have it in you and are not yet putting it to the best possible use if you are unaware or it...