What would you have instead of fear?

 In a recent coaching session, I worked with an employee struggling with repeated quality errors and mistakes. As we dove into the conversation, he shared that he was constantly anxious about how his work would be perceived. He worried that, no matter what he did, something would inevitably go wrong. This led him to overthink every detail, which only seemed to create more mistakes, ironically reinforcing his fears. He described the cycle as exhausting and frustrating, feeling as if he was never able to meet the mark he set for himself. In his words "It is exhausting to be fearful."

Listening to his concerns, I could sense that a significant part of the issue was his fear of being judged. He was so focused on the potential for negative feedback that it had become a self-fulfilling prophecy, overshadowing his confidence and focus. I paused, then asked him, “If you could quiet that inner fear of judgment, what would you say to yourself instead? And how would that feel?” He took a moment to think, and I could see something shift as he considered a perspective free from this internal pressure.

A few weeks later, I followed up with him to see how things were going. His response was powerful: “I’m no longer fearful; I’m relaxed, and I just do my work.” The change was evident—he felt more at ease, less critical of himself, and even appreciated his own efforts more. When I asked what had led to this transformation, he reflected, “Last time, you asked me what I’d like to say to myself, instead of worrying about what others would say. That moment made me change.”

The shift from focusing on external judgment to nurturing his own sense of calm and appreciation allowed him to approach his tasks with newfound confidence. Free from the constant worry of judgment, he could finally connect with the value of his work, finding ease in the process and leaving the fear of mistakes behind.

I am doing the Positive Intelligence Quotient program by Shirzad Chamine, that is also about catching your inner judge and making yourself realise that it is just causing doubt, fear, pain, resentment, stress and other negative emotions. What could you do instead, if you didn't have the judge voice or be able to catch it?