Understanding Human Psychology

  It all began with one person asking, “What can I do to increase my visibility in the organisation and get promoted?” Then another spoke to me about the challenging team dynamics he was facing. One by one, different voices shared their concerns — shifting topics, new stories, same space. And I remained. Holding space. Listening with presence. Gently nudging them to think for themselves. This was back in 2021 — the year I first discovered coaching. Eager to deepen my understanding of human behaviour, I also began studying Neuro-Linguistic Programming. Fast forward to 2024, shortly after completing my PhD, the ever-curious learner in me whispered, “It’s time to start your ICF credentialing journey.” I felt a strong pull to not just practice coaching, but truly understand the process, the structure, and the deeper essence of it. Being a coach within my organisation gave me a rich space to apply what I was learning. I chose Erickson - Xmonks for my ACC journey — and what a choice it w...

This post contains affiliate links. If you buy through them, I may earn a small commission at no extra cost to you.   Recently, in my readings, I came across a thought that struck me deeply:   Most human problems, and even unfulfilled aspirations, exist because we simply wait. We wait endlessly — for the right time, the right mood, the perfect plan, the perfect clarity.   Sometimes it’s procrastination.   Sometimes it’s fear of the unknown.   Sometimes it’s sheer lethargy or a sense of boredom.   Sometimes it’s confusion about where to even begin.   And without realizing it, life passes in the waiting. If only we could move past these invisible barriers and act, most of our goals would be within reach.   Sounds simple, doesn’t it?   But if it were, everyone would already be living the life they dream of. Taking action is easier said than done because action demands courage.   Courage to move d...

This post contains affiliate links. If you buy through them, I may earn a small commission at no extra cost to you. I recently came across a line in 'The Almanack of Naval Ravikant' that stayed with me:   Wisdom is not about words or writing. Wisdom is about actions and behavior. If it were just about words, we would all be wise.   We read quotes, books, articles — we are surrounded by knowledge.   But true wisdom is not what you can repeat.   It’s what you embody.   It’s visible in how you live your life when no one is watching. This made me pause.   How often do we confuse knowing something with living it?   It’s easy to talk about patience, but can we stay calm when things don’t go our way?   It’s easy to talk about kindness, but do we practice it when someone is rude to us?   It’s easy to talk about balance, but do we truly create space for it in our day? Wisdom, I realized, is silent. ...

This post contains affiliate links. If you buy through them, I may earn a small commission at no extra cost to you. Lately, I’ve been reading more about multitasking — and honestly, it’s surprising how much of what we’ve been told about it is wrong. For the longest time, people said multitasking was the secret to managing time better. Do two things at once — save time! they said. But research and real-life experiences now tell a different story:   Multitasking doesn’t save time. It doesn’t reduce stress.   It actually drains you faster, increases mistakes, and leaves you mentally scattered. Think about it like this:   Imagine trying to fill three cups with water at the same time — one hand on each jug.   What happens?   You spill water, none of the cups get filled properly, and you feel rushed and clumsy.   But if you pour water into one cup fully, then move to the next, and then the next, you’ll fill all three faster — with le...

This post contains affiliate links. If you buy through them, I may earn a small commission at no extra cost to you. Being open to feedback and coaching isn’t just about listening—it’s about embracing vulnerability and being willing to grow. A truly coachable person doesn’t just nod along when engaging in conversations, but openly shares their real self, even while receiving feedback, they actively seek it, question it, and appy it.   Many people think they are open to feedback until they hear something they don’t agree with. That’s where the real challenge begins. Can you sit with it instead of rejecting it outright? Can you take a step back and ask, Why does this feedback not sit well with me? Sometimes, what we resist the most is what we need to hear the most.   Coachable individuals don’t just accept everything blindly—they ask questions. They clarify, they reflect, and they find value even in feedback they don’t fully agree with. If you immediately dismiss feedba...

This post contains affiliate links. If you buy through them, I may earn a small commission at no extra cost to you. When someone tells me “you can’t do it,” something stirs deep inside me. I don’t take it as a defeat.   I take it as a challenge.   Almost like a silent voice within says, “Watch me.” But as I reflected more, I realized — what is the inner message behind such a statement?   Maybe it's not really about me.   Maybe it’s about someone else’s fear, their limited view, or their need to control.   This thought became even deeper during a recent coaching conversation.   One of my coachees shared something that really stayed with me. They said, “I grew up doing everything the way authority figures told me to. I would please everyone, seeking validation constantly. It’s so deeply rooted in me that even today, I can't do anything without needing someone’s approval. If I don't get it, I feel anxious.” Hearing them say that, ...

  Today, I want to share a little story about my child and how I’m seeing her grow up in the most beautiful way. Recently, I’ve noticed how curious she has become. She asks so many questions — “What is this?”, “What are you doing?”, “What is happening?” Her questions come from a place of pure curiosity, wanting to understand everything around her. When she’s playing and building her own little stories, she often asks, “What is the character feeling?” If she’s watching a movie, she notices the emotions too. She’ll say, “Why is this person sad?” or “Did she feel bad when that happened?” She talks about emotions — happiness, sadness, excitement — with such innocence and clarity. What amazes me even more is how she connects emotions with behaviors. She notices things adults do — in the kitchen, outside, or even while handling something risky — and asks about them too. It’s a reminder of how children grow: through constant engagement, through questions, through wonder. Watching her make...

This post contains affiliate links. If you buy through them, I may earn a small commission at no extra cost to you. Coaching isn’t just a separate activity that leaders do occasionally—it’s an essential part of leadership itself. Many leaders see coaching as a structured process, something that happens in scheduled sessions. But in reality, coaching is a skill that should be used daily, just like decision-making or communication. Most of the leaders in my organisation, have coachees assigned to them, have regular interactions and coaching connects with them. Glad that my organisation is encouraging this. #ZS Great leaders don’t just check in on their teams to discuss tasks and deadlines; they engage in meaningful coaching conversations. These conversations go beyond work updates—they help employees grow, improve, and feel truly supported. Coaching is about guiding people to find their own solutions rather than just handing them answers.   One of the most valuable aspects of c...

I recently had a coaching session where the coachee started with a clear request: "I want you to suggest what I should do about X, Y, and Z." They went on listing their concerns, looking at me expectantly. I smiled and gently reminded them, “As I mentioned before, coaching isn’t about giving suggestions. But I will be here with you to explore all these topics.” And so, we began. Through thoughtful questioning and open exploration, we unpacked each of their concerns. I watched as they reflected, dug deeper, and connected the dots in their own way. As the session unfolded, their energy shifted—from seeking advice to discovering their own insights. When we wrapped up, I asked, “What was the value of this session for you?” They took a moment and said, “It was an incredible session! I got so much clarity.” Smiling, I asked, “Did I suggest anything to you at any point?” They paused, then laughed, “Not at all. And yet, it worked like magic!” That moment—seeing the twinkle i...

It was 2018. I was in Bangalore, sitting in one of the city’s famous gardens, lost in thought. I had just been promoted and was on a business trip. My mind was occupied with plans, responsibilities, and the weight of my new role. But then, something unexpected happened—I heard the birds.   Of course, I had heard birds before. But that day, the chirping was different. It wasn’t just background noise; it was soothing, almost musical. Maybe I had never truly listened before. That moment stayed with me, and from that day forward, birds became a symbol of mindfulness for me.   Now, years later, I live in the heart of a bustling city, yet I am fortunate to have a home in a large society where nature still finds a way to thrive. Every morning, as I wake up and open my eyes, the first thing I hear is the symphony of birds outside my window when I wake up. It feels like they are orchestrating a melody. That is a gentle reminder to start the day with calmness and gratitude. It...

Critical thinking isn’t about rejecting authority or doubting everything—it’s about approaching information with a curious and open mind. The moment we start challenging our starting points, we open ourselves to growth, change, and new possibilities. I remember a coaching session where a client was frustrated with his team. He felt they weren’t proactive and constantly needed direction. “They just don’t take ownership,” he said. Instead of agreeing or offering a quick solution, I asked, “What assumptions are you making about their behavior?” At first, he was puzzled. But as we explored further, he realized he had assumed his team lacked initiative because they didn’t care. In reality, they were hesitant because they feared making mistakes. This shift in perspective changed everything. Instead of being frustrated, he saw an opportunity to create a safe space for his team to take risks and grow. Next time you feel stuck, ask yourself: What assumptions am I making here? You might be surpr...

If our assumptions can keep us trapped, how do we break free? The first step is simple yet powerful: question everything. In my previous post I discussed about how easily we succumb to believing an idea, especially from authority figures.  At most times simple ideas become ingrained and are carried with us for lives. As simple as there are ghosts in dark corners manifests in behaviours we show in adulthood. We also discussed about breaking free from assumptions and beliefs that are not serving help us release negativity and question ourselves the evidence and truth.  Here let's look at a few steps to get started: 1. Identify the Source – Where does this belief or assumption come from? Is it based on personal experience, societal norms, or something someone once told you? 2. Look for Contradictions – Have you ever seen evidence that challenges this belief? What counterexamples exist? 3. Test It in the Real World – What happens if you act as if the assumption isn’t true? Someti...

We don’t just accept assumptions in simple exercises like I had mentioned in my last post about assuming two circles are not identical when someone told us they are not, and then going the next step to pointing out which one is larger than the other. We also carry assumptions into our daily decisions, beliefs, and even lifelong perspectives. Many of the things we hold as absolute truths may simply be ideas we inherited from authority figures, cultural conditioning, or personal experiences that shaped our worldview.  As a coach, I often witness how deeply ingrained beliefs can keep people stuck. Some individuals believe they are “not leadership material” because they were once criticized early in their careers. Others assume that changing careers is “too risky” because they’ve been told stability is everything.  These beliefs are rarely questioned but have a profound impact on their choices, success, and fulfillment. If we can challenge the assumptions it would change our lives...

I recently came across a fascinating social experiment that perfectly illustrates how our minds work when performing a critical thinking task. In the experiment, a speaker presented two circles—one blue and one red—to an audience and asked them which was larger. He also added an intriguing statement: The circles are not identical. Then, he asked the audience to vote—some believed the blue circle was larger, while others chose the red. After collecting their responses, he revealed the truth: the circles were 'identical in size' all along.  The experiment wasn’t about optical illusions; it was about perception and influence. By merely stating that the circles were different, the speaker planted a seed of doubt. The audience, trusting the authority on stage, let their minds work based on this assumption, even though their own eyes could have told them otherwise. This experiment highlights a crucial question: How often do we challenge the very starting point of our thinking?  

  In coaching, I’ve seen the Dead Horse Theory manifest in people’s lives—when they hold onto relationships, career paths, or personal goals that are clearly not serving them. Instead of accepting reality, they keep searching for ways to ‘fix’ things, hoping to make the unworkable work. I once coached a client who was holding onto a leadership role that was draining him. Despite constant stress, a lack of fulfillment, and growing frustration, he kept trying to adjust—changing his leadership style, taking on new projects, even working with different teams. But deep down, he already knew the truth: the role was not a good fit. It was only when he finally acknowledged this that new opportunities emerged. He transitioned into a different project that aligned with his strengths and passions, instead of struggling everyday to grapple with things. The relief and clarity he experienced proved that sometimes, the best decision is to stop trying to revive the dead horse and instead, find a n...

  Have you ever seen a failing project that just won’t be shut down? Instead of moving on, companies pour in more resources, change leadership, or alter strategies—while ignoring the simple truth: the horse is dead. This is the essence of the Dead Horse Theory, which highlights how organizations struggle to let go of failing initiatives. We encounter Corporate Dead Horses when persistence turns into stagnation. In the business world, failed projects often continue well past their prime because of sunk costs, emotional attachment, or the reluctance to admit failure. Instead of acknowledging reality, organizations might try to fix it by changing their ways of working. - Assign a new project manager. - Change the strategy or methodology. - Increase the budget. - Conduct endless meetings to “find a solution.” I once worked with a company that was inducting it's new employes by showing age old videos of how the organisation grew over years. The management felt a sense of pride to share ...

When I first received an email from a senior stakeholder about a task I had to deliver, my immediate reaction was overwhelm. The scope seemed too vast, the expectations too high, and I found myself questioning—had I committed too much? Doubts crept in, and the weight of the responsibility felt heavier by the minute.   At first, I kept overthinking, trying to solve everything in my head. But when I finally sat down with my team and discussed the task, something shifted. As we broke the problem down together, the path forward became clearer. What initially seemed complicated now had a structure, and I could see exactly how to approach it.   By the time the meeting happened, I was prepared. And to my surprise, everything went smoothly. The very thing I was overthinking had now turned into a well-managed discussion. Looking back, I realized that stepping back and seeking support was the key.   We often believe we must figure everything out on our own, but that’...

Some days feel like a whirlwind—back-to-back meetings, endless emails, and barely a moment to breathe. I was having one of those days, too busy even to grab a proper lunch. As people passed by, waving politely, I stayed put, resigned to yet another meal replaced by tea or hot water.   But then, something changed. A colleague walked in, saw me buried in work, and instead of just acknowledging my exhaustion, she did something unexpected. She insisted that I eat, she took my food, heated it up, and placed it in front of me. “Eat,” she said, giving me those ten minutes I wouldn’t have taken for myself.   It was such a simple act, yet it meant everything. In a world where we often assume that people will manage on their own, she reminded me how powerful it is to have someone by your side. Small gestures—a warm meal, a kind word, a thoughtful act—can make a difference in ways we don’t always realize.   That day, I learned something important: You don’t have to ma...

Have you ever noticed how easy it is to talk to someone who truly listens? It’s like looking into a mirror and seeing yourself clearly. I once had a friend who never opened up about his struggles, always brushing things off with a joke. One evening, instead of laughing along, I simply said, “I feel like you’re carrying something heavy. I’m here if you want to talk.” He paused, then finally shared what had been weighing on him for months. People open up when they feel reflected, not interrogated. When they sense that you’re not just hearing their words, but truly seeing them. Being a good listener isn’t just about silence—it’s about making the other person feel safe enough to speak.

  Imagine planting a seed and expecting a tree to grow overnight. Absurd, right? Yet, when we meet people, we sometimes expect them to trust us immediately. But trust, like a plant, needs time to take root. I once had a coaching client who barely spoke in the first few sessions. He answered in short phrases, careful not to reveal too much. I didn’t force him to talk. Instead, I nurtured the conversation, just like a gardener cares for a seed. I asked open-ended questions, gave him space, and reassured him that there was no rush. And one day, he started talking. He shared what was truly bothering him, and from that moment on, our conversations flourished. It reminded me that trust isn’t built overnight. It grows when given the right environment—patience, care, and understanding.

  A river doesn’t force its way through a mountain—it carves its path over time, with patience and persistence. That’s exactly how trust builds in coaching conversations. I remember a colleague at one of my previous workplaces who rarely spoke about personal matters. Every conversation was surface-level, guarded. I never pushed. Instead, I simply showed up—listening, sharing, and being present. One day, unexpectedly, he started opening up. What changed? She knew she wouldn’t be judged. People open up at their own pace. Just as a river flows steadily, trust grows when there’s space to be heard. You don’t need to force it. Just be there, and when they’re ready, they’ll flow into the conversation naturally. I usually tend to practice this by telling my coaching client to just let the conversation take shape on its own and allow the space.

  Have you ever stood in front of a locked door, unsure if you have the right key? That’s exactly how trust works in conversations, especially those of coaching. People don’t just open up because you ask them to. They need to feel safe, heard, and respected. In coaching, I’ve seen this play out many times. A client walks in, guarded and hesitant, unsure if they can truly share what’s on their mind. But the moment they realize I’m not here to judge—just to listen—something shifts. Like a door slightly ajar, they let me in, little by little. The key? Open-ended questions. Instead of asking, “Are you struggling at work?” I ask, “What’s been the biggest challenge for you lately?” It gives them the space to explore their own thoughts, rather than shutting the conversation down with a yes or no. Trust is not demanded; it’s earned. And the right words—like the right key—can make all the difference.

  As Women's Day approaches, I find myself reflecting on the profound stories of resilience and strength that shape our society. Recently, I was deeply moved by a speech from Mrs. Smriti Irani, Actress and Former Minister of Women and Child Development, Indian Government. In her address, she recounted the hardships faced by her mother, herself, and her two sisters. They were compelled to leave their home because her mother couldn't bear a male child—a stark reminder of the deep-seated gender biases that have plagued our culture. Mrs. Irani's narrative is not just a personal account but a reflection of the challenges many women have endured. It prompts me to question: Despite our celebrations of Women's Day, have we truly eradicated these biases from our hearts and society? While such incidents might seem like relics of the past, I wonder if, in certain corners of our world, girls are still made to feel inferior, their potential unfairly measured against that of boys. ...

The other day, I was talking to my husband about how different school was when we were kids. Back then, teachers weren’t just authority figures—they were almost untouchable. We respected them, but there was also a sense of fear, a rigid boundary between us and them. You didn’t question a teacher, you followed instructions, and education was largely about memorization rather than understanding. But now, when I look at my child’s experience in school, it’s a completely different world. Teachers today are warm, approachable, and deeply invested in a child’s emotional well-being. Many of them feel like second mothers and fathers, offering support beyond academics. They encourage curiosity, creativity, and dialogue. Education itself has shifted—rote learning is being replaced with interactive methods that make concepts come alive. This shift makes me wonder about its impact on a child’s developing mind. Respect for teachers used to stem from a sense of authority, but now it comes from admir...

Many times in a coaching journey, I see a familiar look on my coachee’s face—the unspoken “Why is my coach telling me to take action?” They hear me say that certain actions will need to be taken, that we’ll evaluate them each time we meet—maybe once a fortnight, maybe once a month. And they wonder, Why? Won’t change just happen on its own? And honestly? They’re not wrong. Change will happen. Life moves forward, things shift, and we evolve—whether we plan for it or not. But here’s the thing: when you take action with intention, when you make purposeful choices instead of waiting for change to unfold on its own, you take control of your direction. That’s when you tap into your personal power—your ability to shape the outcome, rather than just being carried along by it. I often hear, “It will happen anyway.” Yes, it will. But wouldn’t you rather be the one steering the ship instead of drifting wherever the waves take you? Change is inevitable, but purposeful change is a choice. This doesn...

There is something magical about the space that forms in a coaching session. It’s not something tangible, yet the shift is almost immediate. A client walks in, sometimes guarded, sometimes unsure. And then, in what feels like an instant, the space transforms—trust takes root, and vulnerability follows. I’ve had so many moments where clients tell me, “I have never shared this with anyone before.” The first time it happened, I was taken aback. Now, I see it happen so often that I’ve come to deeply respect the power of coaching. There is something in the process, in the presence, in the way we hold space as coaches, that creates an environment where people feel seen, heard, and safe. It’s an honor, truly, to be the person on the other side of that conversation. To be trusted with thoughts, emotions, and stories that have been locked away for years. To witness the moment a realization dawns or the weight of long-held emotions finally lifts. It’s not just about asking the right questions; i...

  Ever noticed how tasks feel easier when you have a friend by your side? Science backs this up! A fascinating 2008 study from the University of Virginia explored this concept using a simple yet powerful experiment. Participants were asked to estimate the steepness of a hill, first alone and then with a friend standing next to them. The results? When people stood alone, they perceived the hill as steeper and more challenging. But with a friend by their side, the hill appeared less daunting. The longer they had known their friend, the less steep the hill seemed! ( https://uvamagazine.org/articles/jack_needs_jill_to_get_up_the_hill ) This study highlights an essential truth—having social support alters our perception of difficulty. It’s not just about emotional encouragement; our brain literally sees the challenge differently when we’re not facing it alone. No wonder workplace collaboration is such a game-changer! Working with colleagues whom you are comfortable with—those who ha...

For the longest time, I believed happiness was about personal achievements—hitting career milestones, buying things I loved, or having free time to relax. While these brought temporary joy, something always felt missing. Over time, I realized that the deepest, most lasting happiness comes from finding a purpose and using it to serve others. Purpose isn’t just about passion. It’s about impact. It’s that feeling of knowing that what you do makes a difference. When you align your skills, talents, and values with something larger than yourself, happiness takes on a different meaning. It stops being fleeting and becomes a steady presence in your life. Think of doctors who dedicate themselves to healing, teachers who shape young minds, or artists who inspire with their work. They don’t just do a job; they fulfill a purpose that improves the lives of others. And in return, they feel a profound sense of joy and fulfillment. I have seen this shift happen in people around me. A friend who tra...

I recently came across this quote by Daniel Gilbert (American social psychologist and writer): "We assume that what we feel as we imagine the future is what we’ll feel when we get there. But, in fact, what we feel as we imagine the future is often a response to what’s happening in the present." It made me pause. Oh yes, we all do this so often! We think about an upcoming event—a big presentation, a career change, a life milestone—and we already decide how we’ll feel about it. If we’re anxious today, we assume the future will be just as overwhelming. If we’re excited, we picture only success. But is that really how things work? It’s like standing on a hill, looking at a distant city. On a foggy day, the city looks gloomy and unclear. On a bright, sunny day, the same city appears warm and inviting. The city itself hasn’t changed—only the way we see it has. Similarly, when we imagine the future, we aren’t predicting reality; we are filtering it through our present emotions ...

This post contains affiliate links. If you buy through them, I may earn a small commission at no extra cost to you. I thought traveling with my child would be smooth—fun, even. I imagined picturesque moments, laughter, and seamless transitions. But reality? It was difficult . We don’t travel often, and when we did, my child wasn’t used to new places, new faces, or a shift from her familiar world. She withdrew, cried, threw tantrums. At first, I felt irritated, even embarrassed. I wanted this trip to be a break for me, but instead, I was navigating meltdowns in an unfamiliar setting. Yet, something shifted. Instead of holding onto frustration, I saw things through her eyes. Her world is built on routine—her grandparents, her school, her safe little bubble. Suddenly, she was in a different place with different people, and it was overwhelming. So, I adjusted. I found ways to make the trip enjoyable for her, offering little moments of familiarity amidst the newness. I carved out time...