How Do You Describe Yourself?

 

In a training session I asked my audience to introduce themselves. I invited them to describe their special qualities by using adjectives for themselves, while they introduced. It turned out that few did not find positive words for describing their qualities. For example a woman stated “I am Stubborn Seema.” (name changed to protect identity). I paused the introductions for a bit, and looked at her with a certain disbelief in my heart. How can one describe self with such a negative quality and that too in an open forum. The woman was trying to say she is stubborn and that is in all the aspects of life and that would reflect in the training room too. If that is the case, I was sure the rest of the training days, I would have a student in the class who would be not absorbing the ideas I put forth and a difficult to interact element. I wanted to change her outlook and refresh her perspective about herself, then and there. So I questioned her, “Okay, so if you say you are stubborn. Can you tell me are you stubborn in all the aspects of your life?” She said, “Oh yes, not all, but many.” I said “Okay, how would you describe how many and can you tell me what subset of situations they fall under?” She reflected, and then stated, “Actually not too many, I am stubborn on certain things like I really want them and many things which I understand I need to adjust, I do that.” 

That was my breakthrough statement. I said, “Well, so more than stubborn, you say you are adjusting and have a flexible attitude. Also you are saying that there are certain things which you like it your way in life and do not want to compromise on them. Can we call that determined and strong?” The moment of truth daunted on her. She said “Yes, ofcourse.” I went on “Do you think Seema, by stating the word stubborn for yourself, you are doing the right thing and being fair to yourself?”. “Do you want the world, an audience to perceive you as stubborn, when you are actually not so, instead you are more flexible and adjusting.” 

Seema went on flashing a huge smile. My audience nodded in agreement. In my head I reflected on the life position (of transactional analysis theory) that Seema was earlier carrying, that was ‘I am not ok – You are ok’, which I had just brought to ‘I am ok – You are ok’.

Do you carry such negative qualities with yourself, like Seema did? Do you question yourself and why you think so?