When "You Can't" Becomes a Challenge

 When someone tells me “you can’t do it,” something stirs deep inside me. I don’t take it as a defeat.  

I take it as a challenge.  

Almost like a silent voice within says, “Watch me.”

But as I reflected more, I realized — what is the inner message behind such a statement?  

Maybe it's not really about me.  

Maybe it’s about someone else’s fear, their limited view, or their need to control.  

This thought became even deeper during a recent coaching conversation.  

One of my coachees shared something that really stayed with me. They said, “I grew up doing everything the way authority figures told me to. I would please everyone, seeking validation constantly. It’s so deeply rooted in me that even today, I can't do anything without needing someone’s approval. If I don't get it, I feel anxious.”

Hearing them say that, I paused.  

It made me wonder:  

How often, even as parents, teachers, and adults, do we unknowingly put pressure on children — not to be, but to become someone others will approve of?  

Say hello nicely. Sit properly. Be good. Get praised.

Slowly, the message becomes clear to the child:  

You are valued only when others validate you.

And unknowingly, we teach them to always look outside for worth, instead of feeling it inside.

The journey for my coachee — and maybe for many of us — is to slowly break free.  

To stop waiting for a nod, a smile, or a clap to feel "enough."

It’s about learning to simply be — without seeking permission.

Maybe the next time someone says “You can’t do it,”

we can hear it, smile within, and reply —  

"I don’t need your validation to know what I can become."