When "You Can't" Becomes a Challenge

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When someone tells me “you can’t do it,” something stirs deep inside me. I don’t take it as a defeat.  

I take it as a challenge.  

Almost like a silent voice within says, “Watch me.”

But as I reflected more, I realized — what is the inner message behind such a statement?  

Maybe it's not really about me.  

Maybe it’s about someone else’s fear, their limited view, or their need to control.  

This thought became even deeper during a recent coaching conversation.  

One of my coachees shared something that really stayed with me. They said, “I grew up doing everything the way authority figures told me to. I would please everyone, seeking validation constantly. It’s so deeply rooted in me that even today, I can't do anything without needing someone’s approval. If I don't get it, I feel anxious.”

Hearing them say that, I paused.  

It made me wonder:  

How often, even as parents, teachers, and adults, do we unknowingly put pressure on children — not to be, but to become someone others will approve of?  

Say hello nicely. Sit properly. Be good. Get praised.

Slowly, the message becomes clear to the child:  

You are valued only when others validate you.

And unknowingly, we teach them to always look outside for worth, instead of feeling it inside.

The journey for my coachee — and maybe for many of us — is to slowly break free.  

To stop waiting for a nod, a smile, or a clap to feel "enough."

It’s about learning to simply be — without seeking permission.

Maybe the next time someone says “You can’t do it,”

we can hear it, smile within, and reply —  

"I don’t need your validation to know what I can become."

Go to Books for Coaching

🌟 1. "Co-Active Coaching" by Henry Kimsey-House et al.

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🌟 2. "The Coaching Habit" by Michael Bungay Stanier

This book turns everyday conversations into powerful coaching moments using just seven simple questions. It's practical, witty, and perfect for busy leaders who want to coach more by talking less.

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🌟 3. "Coaching for Performance" by Sir John Whitmore

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