The Ever-Present Stage of Judgment

I stood on a platform in the second row. Tried to gulp my nerves and stared at the open area ahead, the hall was humongous. I imagined the audience there and gulped another ball of anxiety down my throat. It was my turn, I raised my voice like a wave and I hummed the lines of the song. My teacher gave me a blank stare and after five seconds told me 'You are singing so beautifully, then why is your face like you have had castor oil?' I released the breath I was holding, and broke into a slight smile, my heart still beating of the fear of being judged of what I was there for. The same feeling which had kept me away from taking the centre spot and playing the lead singer in the western music choir. On the final day I hummed boldly, as I had got a 'great job' tag from my music teacher.

Time lapse today I hold my tough emotions close to me. I write to express. I missed writing this last month when I was occupied in caregiving of my loved one. As responsibilities have taken new shape, I still ask myself everyday if I am singing well to please the ears of those I serve. And my teacher appears in front of my eyes to say 'You are singing so beautifully, then why is your face like you have had castor oil?' 

Judgment—real or imagined—never truly leaves us. It walks with us, whether in a crowded hall or in the quiet of our own thoughts. But so does courage. Courage is in the smile that breaks through, in the humming of a favorite tune when no one is listening, in choosing to keep singing anyway.

Because life itself is the stage, and the real performance is not about pleasing the world—it’s about daring to show up as ourselves.

My heart loves to hum the same song, many times in the presence of my own silence. The words go....'All I want is a room somewhere, far away from the cold night air, with an enormous chair, Oh wouldn't it be lovely.. lots of chocolate for me to eat..lots of coal making lots of heat, warm face, warm hands, warm feet..Oh wouldn't it be lovely..' Yes if you have guessed, it's from the movie My Fair Lady.