Understanding Human Psychology

  In the pursuit of success, the mantra "hard work pays off". While this has echoed through the corridors of ambition for generations. As we approach the year-end, I take this opportunity to reflect on the role of relentless effort in achieving some of my goals. In my life, hard work is undoubtedly a crucial ingredient for success. Hard work is the backbone of achievement and molds aspirations into reality. I never fail to see my dreams come to life by consistently promising myself to take action.  I have been chasing some major goals in the past few days, which has kept me away from writing my blog. But I look forward to dedicating my soul to achieving my goals. The fruits of success are sweet.  2023, has also kept me motivated, as all year round I've been doing what I do best. That is interacting with people, getting to know them, train people, coach people. Thankyou for this 2023! In the coming year, I wish that everyone embrace a new challenge, a new goal. I would als...

  In a world where perfection is often perceived as the ultimate goal, the pressure to meet expectations can be overwhelming. While it's natural not to fear individuals, the quest for validation and the need to prove oneself can become so daunting. At most times its not about fear of the other person, but its about understanding the dynamics of expectations and discovering the beauty in imperfection. Living up to the expectations of those around us can feel like a never-ending quest for perfection. Whether in personal relationships or professional endeavors, the pressure to meet a certain standard can be stifling. It's essential to recognize that perfection is an unrealistic ideal that often leads to stress, anxiety, and burnout. Rather than succumbing to the weight of external expectations, it's crucial to embrace imperfection as a fundamental part of being human. Understanding that mistakes and flaws are inevitable allows for personal growth and resilience. By acknowledgi...

  The vocabulary we use affects our thoughts. The words make us either ruminate over our past or think of how we can welcome our future. A simple difference of one letter makes two different words 'than' and 'then'. The former when used in sentences states comparison. It could be comparing someone with others, comparing past and present. If the comparison is healthy, it will lead to positive thoughts. But if the comparison is to show a sign of insufficiency, then it will just lead to dissatisfaction. My friend is poor than Sheela's friend. My car is smaller than Rahul's car. Even if we are using the word than for a positive position, is that a healthy comparison? If it is, well and good. However, if it is not then we must give it a thought.  I am cleaver than my sister. I am fitter than my colleague. On the other hand the latter, the word 'then'. It is usually used for indicating possibility, what are the possible next steps, then whats next. Some reflec...

 Whats with this "You've Changed..."? Heard this a couple of times myself. Usually thw context in which it is said is sheer dissatisfaction. Why? Why should one get upset because of the changes in my life or myself?  Everybody changes overtime it is the experience of a person that changes the individual. Overtime what we go through and how we are made aware or  what we make of tricky situations shapes the way we become. More than the situations which are easy going, we learn from the tricky situations where we have got stuck, and how we have been able to find our way out. When every stage of life comes with its own challenges and teaches us to find a way out of the difficulties of that stage, we come out wiser and we come out stronger. So when people say you have changed. You are no more the same, you have different priorities. That just means you are living your life well and learning at every stage, you are being more mature with age. You are meant to evolve as a being ...

  What do we do to lift each other up? Have you been helping others in need, supporting people around you, collaborating with a colleague for sharing a learning? Everything in life and everybody in life, by nature, we co-exist. In reference to co existence i came across this article on coexistence with nature. In a village Chandapani, in the outskirts of Guwahati, a farmer named Bodo grows paddy, which is a seasonal crop. There are many elephants in that area who come often to destroy the crop. So much of crop gets destroyed before the harvest and it is a big loss for the farmer.   In the given circumstances, the way a human living in a city would think, i put some mind to it. The way we are cutting trees and making concrete jungles everywhere, the farmer must also be doing something to keep off the menance. While this is generally true that either humans would drive the elephants away or probably get killed by their wild side, in this case of Bodo, things were different. Th...

There is no point in setting goals and not working towards them in any way. I get asked many times, what do you do to begin doing a certain tasks like learning, managing your studies, or even get the motivation for cleaning your drawer, or finish a certificate course. Yes we all begin doing these things or at least plan to in our minds. But what is the mindset when it comes to actually doing it.  According to me it is just doing that one step at a time. It's breaking the chain of thinking that i will do it, to actually doing that task. So what to just start doing is: Making sure you are consistent and taking step at a time towards the goal. Making sure that a movement is made , even if slow or small. Remember not to try to achieve everything at one go. It's ok to be small, that is break down the task and then conquer in bits. Check your direction whether it's the right direction in which you are moving.. And never doubt in yourself if you are doing the right thing or you ar...

At times you wonder, what can you do different for other people around you? Can you do something which they will remember you for a lifetime? Well we all have that potential to do something which is so difference that people remember us for it. Have you ever thought why people write there autobiography? Yes most of the times they write to inspire others. They want to celebrate their life story. They want to inspire others by talking about the successes and struggles they have been through, the steps they took towards success, they want to talk about what are the take away which others can also follow or maybe tweak something in that and then follow. Your Stories can inspire someone to pursue their dream. Never doubt the impact of sharing it. I do understand that everyone is just living their life and may not have the thought and time to share their stories. However the truth is there is so many so so many of us who have wonderful stories to share and to get inspired from. Do we all req...

 There is no better time than here and now to work hard, to be actively listening to others, to be paying attention to whats happening around us, to get out of your shell and to set yourself free of all limiting beliefs and decisions you have made in your past.  Now is the time to think how to leverage technology and artificial intelligence to your benefit. Now is the time to feel more connected to the world and reach out to like minded. Now is the time to understand divergent thinking and acknowledge perspectives too.  Now is the time to empower your children to think and feel what you dint back in your childhood. To let them know they are stronger when they think positively, they are empowered because of the world of opportunities open to them, they are in control of what they want to shape their destiny to be. For all those who struggle with answering the question 'Why is this world changing at such a rapid pace?'. Change your question to 'How can I prepare to face it...

  The real treasure of your life. What is it?  Most of us feel at the first instance that its our job, house, car, jewellery, savings, investments.  But then if we reflect these are the things which give us hedonic happiness. That is when they are there or we get more of it, then we are happ. In absence of these, our happiness reduces or vanishes.  In reality these material items are just instrumental in providing a good life, health, peace of mind, and loving relationships.  Going even further, once we have all of this we still strive to achieve meaning and purpose, flourish in life, make life beautiful for others and make use of our existence. This is eudiamonic happiness. That is it comes from within and we can have it inspite of the kinds of turns external events take. Treasure has different connotations for different individuals, depending on their lifestyle, their experiences, their stafe of living, their stage of evolution and maturity. For some it may be...

  We live in a society with presumptions and assumptions of things. We can't help but have so many of them held by ourselves.  Things which are to be done in a particular way, should be that way. My child was painting and drawing in her colour book. Although it was messy art, I loved her idea of not colouring a zebra black and white, and not giving a cow the white colour. I know that does not fit the bill, but it does give her a chance to show her creativity. I let her do it. In my mind I was arguing, is she learning the right colours of the animal, but in my heart I wanted her to include all colours in her drawing and be open to using her creativity. In everything we do, we look at how to do it, what is the right way. Be it dressing, eating, or even making new things. We are conditioned to seek symmetry and be one with the crowd. This is social psychology is called conformity bias, the idea of confirming to everything others say, do, in order to be liked, in order to be an in...

  Once upon the time there was a huge oak tree which stood proudly on the banks of a river in the forest. At the foot of the oak there grew many reeds . They often spoke to each other about how different life is for them. The oak said he could view far and have a 360 degree view of the surroundings.  He seemed very proud of his height and slender self. The reeds listened silenty and also at times advised the oak to look at the ground to know what is happening right where they are growing. The oak refused to look down and bow down. He said flexibility is not my nature.  Just then, the winds turned vicious, the soil started to loosen, crazy winds took over. The oak tree, sticking to its nature, did not flex and uprooted. While the reeds bowed, flexed and stuck to the soil, they survived the storm.  Times demand us to be flexible, bow down when we know we can't stand tall, and take alternate routes when required. If we don't budge stating it's our nature, then the loss ...

  A raven once looked at a swan and got quite jealous of the beauty of the swan. The pure white feathers, the slender long neck, the delicate manner in which the swan would float around in his pond. The raven thought to himself 'I wish I could be the swan.' He got an idea that he would swim in the same pond all day and may be he also would get the snow white colour of the swan. He jumped into the pond and fluttered there all day.  His natural instinct didn't like swimming, but he was waiting for his feathers to start changing colour. He got another idea, to change the way he looked he thought let me eat what the swan eats from the river. Again his body seemed to reject what he was eating, yet the raven persists and put his efforts all day. As the water and weeds did not agree to his natural body type he grew thinner and weaker by the evening. He then asked the swan, how did u manage to get so beautiful and white? The swan said, I was born this way. What's the moral of t...

 Recently my child has developed a new interest in solving puzzle pieces. The colourful pieces attract her to mix and match the pieces and put the picture together. After she made one small one, I clapped and rejoiced with her. Then she took to making another. After a few pieces, she got tired and broke the whole thing. The look on her face told me she found it difficult and got irritated to try anymore. I said "Hmm Making and breaking the puzzle? Why you started in the first place anyway? Come on think about how exciting it is to learn something new and be able to finally achieve it." And then I said to myself, "The recognition, feeling of achievement, what was that motivation which brought you till there before you even think of giving up on anything, think through, why are you even here?" At times life is keeping you over occupied with all aspects. It is natural to feel too stressed while managing so much. However, when you think of giving up, just find a light ...

  It all starts with being kind to others and not being judgemental. Be an enabler for others. Always remember, you never know when its your turn. Larry was working for some pocket money while he was completing his college in pharmacy specialisation. For Larry, the money was also helping him support himself as he did not intend to burden his retired parents anymore financially. Larry's job of a sales man in a apparel shop was quite hectic and his store manager would always be extremely rude to him for no reason. The store manager aka his boss would change targets of sales in the mid of the month so that Larry would never be able to reach his sale target and never get the bonus amount with his salary. Larry graduated from college and years passed and he was well settled. He had a few pharmacy stores in the city and had quite a few employees to manage the chain of stores. One day he was in one of the store's back office, while he heard some chatter at the counter outside. He went...

 Feedback is difficult to give, but iits necessary to see your people grow. If you are a true well-wisher for someone, you will give honest feedback to that person. Lets see what this story brings to light. There was once a proud little frog, who grew amongst his group of friends in a pond. He often looked at his reflection in the water, the angle of the sun rays made his reflection to appear extra large at times. The larger the reflection, more powerful the frog would feel. He often told his group of frogs that he was the biggest frog ever. None of his friends would correct him and tell him that he was just perceiving one side of the story.  One day an Ox came to the banks of the pond. Looking at the huge Ox the frog felt small. He again looked at his reflection which made him feel proud and big, however not as big as the Ox. So the frog took deep puffs and swelled up. To compete with the Ox he swelled up further. Till the frog could swell no further. He soon burst. If he wou...

 As a child I used to watch Flintstone Comic on Cartoon Network. The life of the mothers seemed pretty sorted and they used to handle their tiny children so calmly. The character Welma (wife of Flintstone) used to present herself so sophisticated and was also assertive in the way she managed her household. I always felt it would be that easy as I was living in the dreamy world at that time. But as we grow up, life happens, and so it did to me too. I now know what all it takes to manage a child and a household with work additionally. How my support system works so well and family is very essential to maintain that equilibrium. However I am so proud of my abilities to manage so many things in the best possible way I can. One thing on mother's day I vouch for is mother's are just the face of the family, thier contribution in any form is valuable and intense. But let's count the family as a unit who is working to support the mothers to operate at their optimal performance. At l...

 We are here for a short while and we must not crib. Lets take the most of of each moment, lets make more friends and spread more love. We must each day aim for exchange of positive vibes with whomever we come in contact. We must be enterprising enough to get ideas that can change the life of any individual we meet with exchange of thoughts, ideas, and sentiments. As a coach I have the capability and the privilege to listen to tons of people who flock in my calendar seeking my time to talk their woes and exchange perspectives towards life. Can I make a difference in their life just by being there? Yes ofcourse! Empathy, compassion, listening and showing the mirror is my job and I love what I do:) Today, in the office we celebrated International Coaching Week 2023. Although we did not splurge much on it and kept our enjoyment simple, it's the little joys that brought our team together in many ways. My boss took the baton in her hands to see to it that each individual gets a customis...

  A farmer planted seeds on his farm and rested for the rain to fall and seeds to flourish into crops. Two seeds started talking. One said I feel so lazy, I do not want to grow up so soon. Growing up is so boring and even tedious to do. I think I will rest in the soil for a while.  The second seed which was buried deep already felt the urge to grow. He said I am waiting for the rain to fall and it is my duty to flourish and bloom into a beautiful plant. That is what my life is for and I will do what I am supposed to do.  As time passed the seed that rested slept for days and months and the other one grew tall and green. One day the farmers dog was playing on the farm and since the spot where the sleeping seed lay was open and barren, he dug it up. The seed was unearthed. The farmer's hen came pecking there and ate the seed. That was the end of a life not well spent.  Learning has to be continuous to be impactful. It cannot be a one off time of training or reading som...

I noticed many congratulations messages and hearts on my 100th blog post. I got few comments in my inbox asking me about how I get time to do this and it is really something to be dedicated to. This blog I would want to state that nothing comes easy and nor does it come early. Any success is hardwork and perseverance. But more than anything else I want to stress upon how not to procrastinate. I got people telling me that they also have a lot of ideas but have not put them in an article or blog or else they would also have many online followers. I say its simple, procrastination hits us all. It is a disease and we need to fight it. We can simply remove 2 mins a day to start with and scribble our thoughts, we can continue to do so till all of it is out there and then reframe the sentences and rearrange out ideas to bring out the best version of the article.  Can't we all get that time for ourselves? And hence consistency comes into picture. We may not have it on the priority list as ...

 Just like we decorate our surroundings with things, to decorate our mind we have thoughts that beautify it. I choose to write to release my thoughts and channelise them in a constructive manner. It truly is liberating for me to be able to express myself. This is one way I choose to express myself. It could be different for you. Have you thought of how you do it? When you want to release thoughts what action do you do? What activity do you prefer to undertake to release your thoughts? Afterall thoughts are energy and they get released in some form of feeling, resulting in behaviour. Some people may prefer art, craft, dance, pottery, talking to another person. I like to write for the same reason. In whatever form, energy needs a release. A cloud filled with rain water, cannot hold back, it has to release the rain. If you release, you feel lighter and brighter. Just like that dark cloud, once the rain is released it feels lighter.  Our honourable Prime Minister has a series of ...

Once upon a time lived an old man who begged for a living in a busy town. He lived by a roadside full of individuals who rushed for their own chores.  Passersby would often walk from far because of the stench from this man, they would even make faces and comment. The old man had lost his family and turned his life into this mess, he was never like this when he lived his life before that.  One day he decided to go to settle in another place, he thought may be a small town where I can settle under a shade of a tree. He meandered his way around to look for a suitable location and found one in a small town. Soon after he began to realise that in that town too there were many young individuals who gave a dislike look on his face and the elderly showed him pitty. The old man felt he lost hopes of finding a place where he felt accepted. There was a wise man in that town who met the old man one day and aksed him about who he was and where he had come from. After gathering his though...

  Have you heard of the story of the elephant in chains? Yes, to tame the giant, when they are young and not strong, they are tied to a pole or a tree using ropes or chains. They are not strong enough to break themselves free at that time. As time passes by they consider it a given that they will be tied to the pole forever. Even with full strength in their bodies, they fail to apply it as they have accepted their life tied to the pole. Another story we have often heard is of the boiling frog. A frog is kept in water and kept to boil. The frog initially is very comfortable. Till the water is warm it feels like this is the ideal temperature. At one point the frog starts feeling hot, but does not still want to jump out as earlier he did not do it. After a certain temperature, the water is boiling and the frog is unable to act, so it boils to death. The other day I saw a truck full of chickens outside a chicken shop. As the man was pulling out the chickens and handing them to the shop...

  Read this beautiful story about two zebras who were crossing a river while wandering the forest. They were bets of friends and were enjoying the tranquility of the moment. They both broke from the main herd of zebras and choose to seek enlightenment. While they were wadding through, a lion jumped from the bushes and asked for help to cross the river. He said that he was frightened of the water and wanted to be carried across. One of the zebras readily agreed, while the other seemed disturbed on that offer by his friend. After crossing the river and exchanging good byes, they walked their way in the forest. One of the zebras who ho carried the lion asked the other what happened, what causes you to be so worried? The other zebra asked why did u allow the lion to climb your back, he could have eated us. We would have been dead. Are you insane? The other zebra calmly replied  “Brother, this happened many many miles back, it was I who carried the lion on my back and it was I who ...

  I recently read about a boy in Delhi metro wiping the floor clean after he accidentally dropped food from his tiffin. When he could have easily taken a route of ignoring what had happened and keeping himself clean, he instead chose to be hands on and take responsibility.  In another post I read about a young teen boy who offered a girl his jacket to tie around the waist oon the way back home in the school bus. That's because the girl got her periods and had stained her dress. The girl very reluctantly took the jacket, only when the boy told her that I too have a mother and sister and I know what problems they face. Here the boy could have chosen to ignore, but instead he chose to be responsible for protecting the modesty of his friend. I was reading about accountability as a very valued aspect of how one approaches that work and how it is perceived by others around as an amazing quality one has. By displaying accountability for what is happening around one can win hearts and...

  Once upon a time, a monk was seated in the hills in deep meditation. A grasshopper hops around and his attention is drawn to the still sitting monk. He hops over his lap untill the monk opens his eyes and asks him what does he want. The grasshopper asks him what he was doing. The monk stated that he was meditating. The grasshopper asked the monk to teach him meditation and the art of sitting still like he was doing. The monk agreed and asked the grasshopper to sit beside and shut his eyes. After a minute the grasshopper asked now what next, the monk asked him to just concentrate on hai breath. Now what next? Again the grasshopper got impatient. The monk asked him to sit and just calmly do that for few minutes. But the next minute the grasshopper opened his eyes and exclaimed look the grass there looks so pretty, lets meditate over there. On shifting to the new spot, they again settled down. After one moment, the grasshopper again stated look at that beautiful rock there, lets med...

 Kind words are short and easy to speak but their echos are truly endless - Mother Teressa There are two ways to change someone's behaviour and influence someone's behaviour one way is positive the reinforcement and another is giving a negative reinforcement. And I have observed that irrespective of age, positive reinforcement works better than negative reinforcement in most cases. Positive reinforcement are the strokes in the environment which are provided to the individual which make that individual feel valued, loved, emphasized with and many other positive emotions. With so many positive emotions around, one feels like doing that activity even more often. Putting yourself in someone's shoes is like understanding the other person's mind, how it is processing information. What is that person thinking during a certain circumstance which will again later again lead to the behaviour which the person does. Even when we say empathy is all about putting yourself in the othe...

Happiness, are we pretending? Or is it really there? If we ask, what will it will it take to say I am really happy.  Simple things like painting with crayons makes kids happy, playing with even things which are around you, readily available at home, makes kids happy.  It's not about how expensive the toy is. It is about how simple it is for the kids to understand at his age and just be happy with whatever is available. When there is a purpose to live, you feel happy. So do kids too have a purpose to life? If they get all the basic needs satisfied, they will just spend their time happily. But after we grow up, why are things so complicated? Is it that our needs increase? If we go to see, referring to my last post, we all are having someone to pack our parachute, that is, someone is backing us to do all the essentials, so that we can do what is our priority, what we are supposed to do.  I feel, although happiness is self-driven, our own perception of the circumstances we ar...

I stumble across the story of captain Charlie Plumb who fought in the Vietnam war. His story on how he was tortured as a prisoner of war is well known.  From the time he joined military, he flew 74 times and landed back in his territory safely, however at the 75th time his plane was shot and with his parachute landed in the foreign territory where he became a prisoner of war. When after years he  returned to his homeland, his story of how he survived and his tactics of keeping his spirits high even in grave times was heard by many.  One day he came across a sailor, who was on the same ship from where Captain Pulmb had taken off that dreadful flight. The sailor recognised him and mentioned that he had packed the parachute for the flight for Plumb. Captain Pulmb had not recognised him, but suddenly felt grateful as due to the right things done by the sailor, Pulmb was able to effectively use the parachute and land safely. This instant humility which hit Plumb, becomes an ey...

  I don't know your name, but know your soul answered a bot, when asked by a human, how can you like me when you don't even know my name?  Strange as it sounds the latest chat bots who are the babies of artificial intelligence creators are used to solve problems and make life easy for humans, but they are also expressing emotions. Chat bots are supposed to follow only instructions to help build websites, solve puzzles, get answers for humans by crawling the internet. But now a days i am reading a lot of it in news where chat bots are counseling a human and giving hints to the human on how to solve life problems. Like this news article I read the other day asked the human to leave how wife as she didn't like him and even told the human that the chat bot has developed feelings for the human. When the man asked the bot how would you like me as you don't even know my name, the bot stated I dont know your name, but I know your soul.  Where are we headed? If bots respond and ...

 Read a book 'The Silent Patient' recently as a part of my office book club. Sharing my takeaways as a psychologist, coach and parent to my 3 and half year old.  It's so strange that broken people are fixing other broken people in this story. And i feel it's true in real life too. We come with our own traumas and yet try to gain balance by making sense of the here and now and focussing on how it should all be in our favour at least for the moment. It came out very clearly in this story that defining moments of our life are ingrained in our childhood. Many of us are unfortunately not governed by us as we are vulnerable and weak to control life back then. By the time we understand and demensify life, we have already been scarred enough to have fall outs and face troubles.  I started searching more about this topic on childhood memories, impact of parents's behaviours and good parenting on how people behave later in their life. Although the story was a fiction work, i ...

  Mel Robbins says that Success is not the source of self-love. You can be very successful, however you can always have doubt, hate, fear and guilt, these and other negative emotions.  I'm sure, people who are successful in their lives feel low at many points in time. Mel Robbins states in her High Five Habit book, that you look at your beaten and battered self as worthy of love and care. Every single day pratice looking at yourself in the mirror with appreciation. You love yourself for the human being you are, for the struggles you have gone through. Many a times for the years of hardwork we put in to build our lives, we do not give a fleeting comment of appreciation or a pat on the back to ourselves. It is really strange that today many people are talking about kindness. Showing kindness to animals, showing kindness to the world and environment, to children and the old. We think that, because we feel they are vulnerable, but we all are at some point in time.  Why don't ...

  Life is so fast. Everything passes by so quickly. Minutes turn into hours, as hours into days, days into weeks and months, and months into years. How time passes so quick and it is as you read my thoughts right now. It does not stop for anyone and since we are all in this passage of time, in the journey, we do want to make the best of this journey. Ultimately this turns into which we call as a doing too many things and making the best of time. Too many things is what our days also demand. We are in a rat race every morning. Human beings have brought it on them and the generations to come are learning and role modelling that, in particular, more and more from their parents.  Too many things clogs the mind. Being busy makes it harder to take a step back, and think of what we have achieved, gathered, and how we have grown over time. Self reflection is an important aspect of our life, as much as it is to learn, grow and move on. As stated in the famous book 'The monk who sold hi...

 Are you relevant to the current times? Keeping pace with the tide is vital to be relevant. Relevance is doing what keeps you up in your game of life. What does it take to stay relevant in today's world? I asked many of my friends and colleagues, what does it mean for you to stay relevant and what do you need to do to stay relevant? Since I am in the training and coaching field, I got answers from individuals of the same cohort. They stated that for them relevance means know what is latest in your area of expertise, gaining mastery over skills and behaviours of your type of job. For being relevant, usually we upgrade our knowledge, learn new skills and inculcate behaviours which clearly push your growth trajectory.  But staying relevant also means shedding old notions, letting go off what does not work for you anymore. Staying relevant means making way for the new, giving up unhealthy and unresourceful ideas and beliefs. Like a snake sheds his skin, and birds shed their old fe...

 When we think of goal setting in the new year, what are the ingredients that come to our mind? We think of what we have been not doing in the past year. We think of how it matters and what else we must do to make our goals more believably achievable. For any direction we first need map and this map for us is the core of our existence. I am talking of values which we posses. They work like guiding principles. We do not compromise them and they lead us towards our goals. Values like determination or commitment are absolute essentials.  Heard this recently on a podcasts. When Sachin Tendulkar, one of the greatest batsman in cricket, was asked what he felt after the retirement day, he said 'When I woke up the next morning, I knew that I didn't have to go for practice. So i cooked breakfast fo family.' This statement implies that for all his life he went to practice every day, every single morning, without a miss, no procastination, no excuses. Such a behaviour that leads us to...